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Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Man finds ‘gorgeous’ new girlfriend via toilet graffiti

‘She’s got expensive tastes, every date costs a fortune. But, hell, she’s a real looker and, for an ex-convent girl, very broad-minded. Let’s face it, not every woman is happy to have sex on the first date.’

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2014
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Self-fellatio injury blamed on the Lynx Effect

overstretchedA 38-year-old Kent man is recovering in hospital today after dislocating his spine in an incident which he claims was caused by the ‘Lynx Effect’.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2014
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Phworr, French birds gagging for it, Hollande assures world

You should see some of the crumpet over here, French president Francois ‘Le Shaggeur’ Hollande has told the world’s press. He added that you’re guaranteed a good time the other side of Le Manche, thanks to his Socialist policies redistributing wealth to allow poor chicks to buy nice lingerie

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2014
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Three-quarters of my penis is still technically ‘virgin territory’, brags Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson today abandoned any pretence that he is ashamed of his manhood, and in a series of press conferences refused to talk about anything other than his own penis.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2013
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Adult entertainment industry mourns death of last man to pay for porn

Adult entertainers throughout the world flocked to a crematorium in south London yesterday to pay their dues to Eric Swell, the last known purchaser of full-price pornography. Germans and Swedes rubbed shoulders in the packed chapel as Mr Swell’s coffin glided through the curtains to the moving strains of ‘slap funk bass incidental 5 – the plumber rings the doorbell’.

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Posted: May 14th, 2013
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