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Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

Sinners brawl in churches over Black Sunday discount deals on penance

There were chaotic scenes in Catholic churches across the UK yesterday as repentant sinners sought to take advantage of Black Sunday deals on absolution. As many churches opened their doors at midnight scuffles broke out when crowds fought their way towards confessionals to secure deals which saw penance slashed to bargain levels for one day only.

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Posted: Dec 1st, 2014
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May in passport warning to supermarket fighters

Theresa May has issued a strong warning to British citizens travelling to foreign supermarkets to fight over discounted goods.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2014
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Man who tried to carve out his own route through IKEA store ‘so very sorry’

Man was trapped in the Thurrock branch of IKEA for almost seven hours

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2014
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Asda introduces ‘slapping-friendly areas’ for shoppers with small children

won't be beaten on price, service or anything other than aisle 29 Asda is to create ‘slapping areas’ where frustrated parents can hit their children without causing offence to other shoppers.

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2014
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Woman refuses to give birth in Primark

not even the 50% off signs could tempt her inDespite being wracked with labour pains and hobbled by a small head erupting from her vagina, an unnamed 28-year-old woman from Birmingham has been hailed as a hero for resolutely refusing to be lulled by Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear and give birth in the shop.

As her waters broke, her cervix dilated and her 25%-off voucher expired, the woman dragged herself away from the lure of a sale on floral dresses. Groaning as her membranes ruptured, every maternal instinct made her abandon a rail of bargain kids’ clothing in the hope that her child would be born to a better future, with better stitching.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
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