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Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

Woman refuses to give birth in Primark

not even the 50% off signs could tempt her inDespite being wracked with labour pains and hobbled by a small head erupting from her vagina, an unnamed 28-year-old woman from Birmingham has been hailed as a hero for resolutely refusing to be lulled by Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear and give birth in the shop.

As her waters broke, her cervix dilated and her 25%-off voucher expired, the woman dragged herself away from the lure of a sale on floral dresses. Groaning as her membranes ruptured, every maternal instinct made her abandon a rail of bargain kids’ clothing in the hope that her child would be born to a better future, with better stitching.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
More from UK News



Gangs of pensioners conspire to bring country to halt with lunchtime queuing

An undercover police operation has revealed that a Mafia-like organisation is behind the huge number of retired people queuing in banks and post offices during lunchtimes.

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Posted: Dec 6th, 2013
More from UK News



Black Friday ‘was dry run for Zombie Apocalypse’

Consumers across the world were given the opportunity to hone their survival skills, as branches of Wal-Mart simulated the collapse of civilisation. Mindless, reanimated corpses hungry for discounted TVs swarmed over unsuspecting shop assistants, chanting: ‘Braaaaains…braaaaains….br- oh three for two offer, bargain!’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2013
More from News In Brief



Woman leaving Argos store doesn’t feel as if she’s really been shopping

‘I was carrying the toaster in its box and I’d got the receipt in my purse, but I stopped and said out loud, ‘Doris, love, have you really been shopping?’

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Poundland worker goes berserk in change-giving spree

Colin Turner – who gave out a total of £10,000, plus 27 pence of his own money before he was restrained by colleagues – told investigators that years of dealing largely in notes and pound coins had made him finally snap.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2013
More from News In Brief