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Posts Tagged ‘Simon Cowell’

Britain’s Got Talent to introduce strict ‘no clapping’ rule

'contenders must be shown due respect'A 76-rule code of conduct for ITV1’s Britain’s Got Talent will outlaw the audience from clapping, booing, whistling or whooping. ‘The new rules are very clear,’ said programme creator, Simon Cowell, ‘the audience will sit quietly and listen to the acts with the solemn reverence that they deserve. Even if it is a dancing dog.’

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Posted: Nov 24th, 2015
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Simon Cowell’s new show to find official ‘Best Thing Since Sliced Bread’

now looking for a profitable topping Porn, hamsters and Mohammed emerging as early favourites

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2015
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Drone captures eerie image of abandoned X-Factor hopeful

A drone flying over the Basingstoke area has captured ‘spine-tingling’ and ‘disturbing’ images of a former X-Factor contestant, who had been personally built by Simon Cowell out of blonde highlights and his old Versace suits but was subsequently abandoned when a similar contestant on a rival show had ‘gone nuclear’ smashing up a famous London eaterie.

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2015
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Odds on a Queen’s replacement shorten

A week of celebrations for a glorious reign has been marred by a leaked news report that Her Majesty has not nominated a successor. Members of the Privy Council have suggested that a president be either appointed or elected, on the grounds that ‘there is no family member who appears suitable for the job’.

Having employed the Prince of Wales as a ‘monarch stand-in’ for the Order of the Bath service, it has become apparent that the country needs a Head of State that can re-enact Pete & Dud routines not just hackneyed Goons impressions…

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2015
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Reality TV needs to be more inclusive for Eton & Oxbridge graduates

‘If anything, the talent show format – of taking a moderately-talented under-achiever and then imbuing them with great wealth and power – should be the perfect vehicle for Eton’s boys’

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Posted: Aug 24th, 2015
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