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Posts Tagged ‘Simon Cowell’

X-Factor panel to be replaced by actual judges

'You didn't own that song. Give it back.'In an effort to combat accusations of bias amongst the celebrity judging panel in the forthcoming high-profile final of the X-Factor, the current panel will be replaced by a more traditional panel of judges.

Taking the place of Louis Walsh will be Lord Chief Justice “Clockwork Duck” Thomas, a QC since 1984 and appointed a high court judge in 1996. Lord Thomas commented ‘It is an honour to be asked to preside over this presigious event, and I have treated to myself to a new gavel which I will use to stop any disruption. I may find the summing-up difficult as I am not a great singer, and may have to mime, but the audience, or as we call it, jury, will get the idea.’

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Posted: Dec 12th, 2014
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Family of brain-dead woman finally agree to switch off X Factor

no longer any sign of cognitive reasoning‘Kindest thing to do is just pull the plug’

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Posted: Nov 24th, 2014
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X-Factor viewers thrilled by ‘Joy Division week’

Bernard Sumner was guest choreographerRemaining finalists sought to impress with interpretations of the influential Manchester miserabilists.

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Posted: Nov 23rd, 2014
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Scotland to be given deciding vote on Strictly and X-Factor

In a review of expanded powers to Scotland, known as ‘Devo Max’, the Better Together campaign have announced a slew of new tax, spending and legislative powers that will now include the deciding vote on all subsequent winners of Strictly Come Dancing and The X-Factor.

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2014
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Reality TV needs to be more inclusive for Eton & Oxbridge graduates

A Social Mobility Commission study has discovered that those who really run the UK are woefully under-represented on the only thing that matters to the British public – Talent Shows. As a new season of the X Factor begins on Saturday, Simon Cowell has been forced to admit that very few senior diplomats, civil servants or ‘people like Steve Brookstein’ will be appearing on the programme.

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Posted: Aug 29th, 2014
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