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Posts Tagged ‘Simon Cowell’

Britain to become satanist by next Thursday

Confusion continues to mount about Britain’s religious status after theological experts extrapolated data to show that the country could be “mostly satanist”, possibly by as soon as Thursday.

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Posted: Apr 29th, 2014
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Simon Cowell’s underpants set to rise 3ft by 2025

Experts at the University of Celebrity Studies say they have discovered a rare human phenomenon that could see Simon Cowell vanish from our screens and engulfed by his own underpants within the next 10 years, possibly sooner.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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‘Ebola’ bookies favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

a new superstar to consume the public's hearts and mindsThe odds of a non-UK resident winning series eight of the ever popular talent show have dramatically shortened today, with the late entry of an outbreak of virulent hemorrhagic fever from Guinea.

Seen as ‘more photogenic than SuBo’, the virus promises to be just as ‘virulent as Diversity’, as ‘deadly as Paul Potts’ and guaranteed to cause ‘more internal bleeding’ than Jai McDowall’s last album. The 2012 BGT tour was axed due to low ticket sales, but EBOV is committed to ‘filling emergency rooms up and down the land’.

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Unreality TV ‘will never catch on’, experts conclude

What a lot of effort!It was the surprise minority hit of 2013: stories seen on television that were not actually true in any sense but rather contained in ‘scripts’ produced by ‘writers’ and played out by trained professionals known in the industry as ‘actors’. Sometimes, analysts agree, Borgen even matched Eddie Stobart: Trucks & Trailers for excitement. However, most still dismiss Unreality TV as a passing fad.

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Posted: Jan 5th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Leicestershire prison to find Sam Bailey replacement, X-Factor-style

has served her timeIn their pursuit to fill the vacancy left by Sunday’s X-Factor winner, Sam Bailey, HMP Gartree in Leicestershire has announced plans to scrap its traditional hiring policies and instead host the UK’s first ever ‘Screw Factor’.

Bosses at the Category B men’s prison have said they were inspired to adopt the more modern and glitzy approach after watching their former employee hit the big time on ITV.

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Posted: Dec 17th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment, Celebrity