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Posts Tagged ‘smoking’

Man disappointed as fag packet contains no tumour

‘Imagine my disappointment at finding 20 cigarettes in place of the moist tumour I’d seen advertised on TV,’ said customer Matthew Arlington.

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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2013
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Health & Safety laws ban prostitutes smoking on street corners

Councillors in Walsall have officially declared street corners as designated places of work for prostitutes and therefore banned them from smoking whilst touting for business.

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2010
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Benson & Hedges launch ‘the cigarette’

The new gizmo consists of a column of tobacco laced with various carcinogens, bound by paper and sealed at one end by a protective filter. Users simply pop the cigarette into their ‘mouths’, light it with a ‘match’ and inhale the heady mixture of smoke and carbon monoxide into their so-called ‘lungs’.

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2010
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‘Time’ revealed to be nation’s biggest killer

‘People just don’t understand they are far more likely to be killed by time than by any other cause. We all worry about smoking, drinking, exploding, or even getting run over, but the statistics show that most of us will turn into dribbling, incontinent old farts.’

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2010
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Smokers banned from naming or pointing at favourite brand

‘From now on smokers will have to perform an elaborate round of charades to express their desire to purchase a packet of cigarettes’

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2008
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