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Posts Tagged ‘SNP’

Edinburgh hails sculpture of ‘huge pair of bollocks’ Scotland will have England by

A twenty metre bronze sculpture of a pair of English bollocks will be erected in Edinburgh’s George Square a week before the General Election. ‘The Bollocks We’ve Got England By,’ to give the artwork its full title, will show a pair of Union Jack testicles being painfully squeezed by a hand draped in a St Andrews Cross flag.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2015
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Chimp facing prospect of losing safest Labour seat in Scotland

set to be replaced by SNP marmosetChico the Chimp, a chimpanzee who has represented the constituency of Fife South as a Labour MP since 1997 could be set to lose the party’s safest Scottish seat, according to the latest opinion polls which suggest that his majority of over 23,000 at the 2010 General Election is set to be overturned by the SNP in the May 7th general election.

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Posted: Mar 8th, 2015
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Anger as BBC invites ‘Earth Wind & Fire’ to take part in election debates

‘We felt that people may be tiring of politics by the time of the debates and our focus groups told us that the perspective of some non-politicos and a stonking rendition of ‘Boogie Wonderland’ would help keep things fresh’.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
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‘Actually we won,’ claims SNP

‘Truth is, we ran rings around them Sassenachs,’ he said in a confidential briefing, about to be published in Wikileaks. ‘We didnae want full independence – that was just a negotiating ploy. We wanted more tax powers, more oil revenue and less interference from London. We got a’ that and more.’

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Posted: Sep 21st, 2014
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England to remain as ‘scapegoat’ in event of Scottish independence

What have the Britons ever done for us, eh?Fans of psychological projection, blamestorming and scapegoating were over the moon last night after First Minister Alex Salmond won them an important concession in the lead-up to next week’s historic referendum. It has been confirmed that, even when Scotland has become a strong, world respected nation with a flourishing economy and healthy population, it will still have an option to ‘blame everything on the English’.

Some experts feared that Scotland’s booming economy and spreading bonhomie might change the national character forever. The feel good factor, surging national confidence and removal of all the chains that held them back could, ironically, have a detrimental effect on the nation, the experts warned.

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Posted: Sep 11th, 2014
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