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Posts Tagged ‘SNP’

Scottish Health Ministry warns against eating raw Mars Bars

Scottish Health ministry officials today issued an urgent report highlighting the growing risks from eating uncooked Mars Bars, claiming that the habit seems to have been introduced by visitors and immigrants from the south, who seem to be unaware of how the Mars Bar should be prepared for consumption.

‘A raw Mars Bar can contain up to five grams of saturated fat’, a Glasgow-based nutritionist confirmed, ‘which is way too little for our digestive systems to cope with. Deep frying it in lard is essential to ensure the healthy goodness of the bar slides effortlessly through the stomach and is absorbed in the lower intestines.’

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
More from Health



Men demand multiple orgasms in exchange for equitable pay

men 'prepared to go on strike' over this, although not being taken seriouslyAs one of the key electoral issues of the Scottish independence debate emerges, men have said they are willing to concede ground on equal pay provided they are compensated from areas of female monopoly such as extended life-spans, wardrobe space and ‘knee trembling duration’.

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Posted: May 7th, 2014
More from UK News



Glasgow to be ‘nuked’ during Commonwealth Closing Ceremony

'That's one in the eye for Cameron!'A global audience, set to be in the millions, will witness a lavish TV spectacle combining mediocre athletics, the smugness of Alex Salmond and a ‘much needed’ nuclear deterrent. Glasgow is already committed to demolishing its iconic Red Road flats for the Opening Ceremony but has now been given the ‘green light’ to unleash atomic devastation on the remains of the city, leaving nothing but a deep-fried mushroom cloud in its place.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
More from UK News



Santa may not deliver presents to an independent Scotland

The SNP has reacted angrily to reports in the media that Father Christmas may not automatically deliver presents to children in a newly-independent Scotland.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Regional tension increased by North Britain

no-one really knows what he's up toThe enigmatic leader of North Britain Ai-Lix Sal-Mon has increased diplomatic pressure in the region as he threatens to break all diplomatic relations with the South of the Island.

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2013
More from World News