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Posts Tagged ‘SNP’

SNP to renounce nationalism in favour of ‘pissing off Cameron’

Political equivalent of 'Glasgow kiss'SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon is set to announce that her party is to formally abandon its goal of an independent Scotland and concentrate instead on ‘really pissing off Cameron and his Tory mates.’

‘Deep down we always knew that independence thing wasn’t gonna fly, especially with Salmond as pilot,’ said Sturgeon at a specially convened meeting of senior party members. ‘But watching the Tories scuttling over the border as if they’re arses were on fire to plead their case was priceless. It gave us a new sense of purpose – making the lives of those posh Southern jessies as miserable as possible.’

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2015
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Scotland invited to make its bloody mind up

there'll be a gloaming in their roamingsEngland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the other three constituent parts of the Divided Kingdom, have come together to ask Scotland if it wouldn’t mind pouring itself a nice glass of Irn-Bru and sorting its head out once and for all. This follows a referendum last year in which Scotland voted strongly against independence and a general election earlier this month in which it voted overwhelmingly for a party whose sole purpose is to secure independence.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Scotland can set price of Irn Bru, says Prime Minister

Discussions in Edinburgh, described as ‘heated’, between David Cameron and Nicola Sturgeon have led to the first concessions being made: the Scottish Assembly is now able to set the price of Scotland’s unofficial national drink, Irn Bru, north of the border.

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Posted: May 15th, 2015
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Refugees rescued as they attempt to flee Scotland

Around 3,500 English migrants attempting to cross the treacherous waters of the River Tweed back to England in overloaded, ramshackle boats have had to be rescued by the emergency services.

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Posted: May 11th, 2015
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Scottish National Party to launch takeover of UKIP

City analysts have announced that they believe that the SNP will attempt to take over at least one mainstream UK political party in order to expand south of the border, with UKIP being their preferred choice.

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Posted: May 10th, 2015
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