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Posts Tagged ‘soccer’

Di Matteo’s ‘bunch of pansies’ takes top honour at Chelsea flower show

40 years of buying up tulip bulbs finally paying offHot on the heels of their Champions League success, the lads from Chelsea FC have once again opened their gardens to members of the public for their annual display of horticultural excellence.

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Posted: May 17th, 2015
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Next Man United boss decided ‘Apprentice-style’

time's upThe successor to Sralex Ferguson as the manager of Manchester United has been chosen via a series of elimination tests, resulting in many hopeful managers losing any chance of ever enjoying ‘the big time’. Throughout the season, a large number of eager applicants with ridiculously over-inflated opinions of their abilities have been trialled but have failed spectacularly, and been summarily dismissed with the chilling words: ‘You’re fired’.

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Posted: May 9th, 2013
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World cup robots programmed to foul, dive and swear at ref

Computer scientists who sought to make their footballing robots imitate the world’s greatest players have come unstuck by creating a team of cheats and pampered super-egos. The programmers set the robots to observe top players from around the world in the expectation that they would copy their soccer skills, but were shocked to see their robots faking injury, demanding higher wages and crashing their sports cars while drunk.

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Posted: Jul 12th, 2011
More from News In Brief

FIFA: ‘English world cup bid scribbled on with crayon’

Further woes hit England’s beleaguered bid for the 2018 football World Cup, as FIFA returns the country’s bid book and complains that “some idiot has drawn all over it in crayon”.

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Posted: May 20th, 2010
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Psychiatrist to treat ‘delusional’ football crowd

possibly NOT on the road to WembleyDoubts that Worcester City really is the greatest ever team.

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2009
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