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Posts Tagged ‘social media’

New English GCSE to require all answers to be less than 140-characters

Efforts to modernise the dated GCSE English syllabus have been announced by the Department for Education today. All GCSE English answers will be required to adhere to the 140-character limit to prepare students for a future in social media.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
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Twenty-minute Facebook outage leaves millions of dinners unphotographed

A global panic was triggered on Friday evening after a twenty-minute Facebook outage left millions of users unable to upload sepia-toned pictures of what they were having for tea. The downtime, which is the second the network has experienced in as many months, also left many unable to tag themselves in the airport, share even more photos of their dogs, or tell people that they’re waiting for a BT engineer to arrive.

42-year-old Sandra Hough from Birmingham, who religiously shares a photo of a bottle of Summer Fruits Kopparberg with the telly in the background on a Friday, was also left frustrated. ‘This is the one time of the week I get a few hours to relax and take several photos of my drink, but it’s totally meaningless if I’m unable to show the whole f***ing world. I haven’t spoken to these people for decades, but it’s imperative that they know when I’m trying to relax with an artificially flavoured cider’.

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Posted: Aug 3rd, 2014
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Journalists defend right to spout shit with ‘taped-up arsehole selfie’ campaign

Fiona?Hundreds of television journalists have taken photographs of themselves with bands of sticky tape fixed to their anuses.

The images form part of a campaign aimed at telling the world the relentless stream of crap known as ‘rolling news’ must never be stemmed by a return to more traditional journalistic values, such as proportion and relevance.

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014
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Mystery disappearance of concern for flight MH370 investigated

The disappearance of concern for Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 is to be investigated by a global task force. Concern for the missing flight went missing at some point in the last 48-hours, it’s last message reported to be; ‘have they not found that flight yet?’ in a Facebook post originating in the south-east of England.

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2014
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‘Too much admin’ in modern relationships, claims Iain Duncan Smith

Iain Duncan Smith has vowed to free young lovers from the ‘overwhelming administrative burden’ of keeping modern relationships alive on Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, Instagram, Foursquare, Orkut, Formspring and Tumblr, in a speech at the Conservative Party conference in Manchester.

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2013
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