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Posts Tagged ‘social media’

Facebook to be split into ‘Sanctimonious Bullsh*t’ and ‘Stalking’ divisions

'quantitative poking' button coming soonFollowing its plans to break up Britain’s banks, the EU has announced controversial proposals to separate Facebook into two distinct ‘Sanctimonious Bullsh*t’ and ‘Stalking’ units.

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2015
More from Politics

NATS ‘needs a life’ to reopen London airspace

NATS spokesman Michael Lovelace said: ‘Too many near misses and the programme locks you out. We either need 30,000 likes or one of the other NATS in Europe to send us a life. We’ve got our technicians updating Facebook and Twitter constantly in the hope we’ll reach the target by this evening.’

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2014
More from News In Brief

Man backs down in Internet argument

stupid idiot's made the internet unworkableA man has stunned the world of social media by recanting his formally ‘bulletproof’ assertions made on the Internet, it can be revealed.

Forum user ‘Conspiri_Sim0n’, 37 , from ‘Hobbiton on the Shire’ said that he wished to withdraw comments 4 thru 317 from a discussion thread below a YouTube video on Tuesday, in a move thought to be the first of its kind since the demise of Netscape Navigator. ‘Furthermore I would like to apologise to the concerned user, and concede that after careful consideration that I find her points plausible and moreover, likely correct in respect of the dispute to which we were party to’ he went on, ‘Her logical rebuttal of my reactionary rhetoric has largely invalidated my position.’

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2014
More from Science/Technology

UK ‘revenge porn’ threat if Scotland walks

In a last desperate ploy to save its marriage, the UK has posted a veiled threat on Facebook to publish ‘candid pictures’ of Scotland, unless they pull back from separation. The pictures, said to feature the feisty northern lass in various stages of undress, were taken several years ago when the union was a ‘happy affair’.

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Posted: Sep 11th, 2014
More from News In Brief

Vengeful kids upload pictures of adults returning to work after holidays ‘looking like sh*t’

Facebook is experiencing a major surge in photo uploads from children this week, appearing to show their tired and weary parents returning to work ‘looking like sh*t’ after their summer holidays.

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2014
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