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Posts Tagged ‘social media’

Panic as woman goes missing on social media for 10 minutes

‘I was devastated,’ said her mother. ‘I had no idea what she was doing or where she was. I didn’t even know if she’d done her Tesco shop. It was terrifying.’

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2013
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Islington becomes first London Borough to be powered entirely by social media smugness

The London Borough of Islington has announced plans to generate its entire power requirements entirely through its inhabitants’ use of social media and the self satisfaction that the use of it, and more importantly telling other people about your use of it, produces.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2013
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People who photograph their food must now also photograph their faeces

Middle-class foodies who insist on sharing via social media every carefully concocted plate of smugness they’ve ever cooked and eaten must now add a picture of the ‘evacuation’ that follows.

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2012
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Man quits his attempts to get ‘oral retweets’ trending

‘When he asked me what I thought of our boss, I was honest in my answer. But I didn’t expect him to shout across the office “Retweet Sue: our boss is a bit of a c**t”.’

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2012
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Furious Facebook investors pacified by amusing picture of kitten

noAs its share value continued to plummet towards zero in its first week of trading, social media giant Facebook has seen off a major revolt by thousands of furious shareholders by issuing a series of heartwarming and whimsical posts featuring kittens and other adorable internet memes.

Shares in the company were initially made available at $39 each last week. But they plummeted to barely $35 within hours of trading, as new shareholders logged onto Facebook for the first time. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was just a bunch of solipsistic ramblings and inane platitudes being ascribed to the Dalai Lama,’ bemoaned first-time investor Alex Joseph. ‘All for $39 a pop. Thank you very much Mark fuckin’ Zuckerberg.’

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Posted: May 29th, 2012
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