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Posts Tagged ‘Somerset’

Shipbuilder-turned-zookeeper arrested in incest ring accusation

Avon & Somerset Police have confirmed that they are holding a Middle Eastern man on suspicion of being the patriarch of a vast family where incestuous sex is commonplace. The man, known only as ‘N’, was originally charged with keeping a zoo without a licence, holding animals in overcrowded conditions and illegally parking a boat in an area of outstanding natural beauty.

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2015
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Threat of Dolly Parton and Metallica fails to put off mud enthusiasts

Plimsoll Act headlining this yearFans of unsanitary fields of muck descended on Worthy Farm in their thousands today for the annual Glastonbury Festival, uninhibited by gloomy forecasts of performances by Dolly Parton, Lily Allen, Arcade Fire and Metallica. The Glastonbury Festival has long been the premier destination for aficionados of mud, and those who just want to ‘open their minds’ to new and challenging types of flooding.

This year’s festival promises a stellar line-up of waterlogged fields, fetid toilets and poor amenities. However, forecasters have predicted spates of shoegazing indie rock, unmitigating showers of experimental electronica, and a deluge of country & western scheduled for Sunday night. Revellers have also been warned to come prepared for outbursts of circus skills, poetry, theatre and comedy.

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2014
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Somerset village cricket team banned for enjoying itself too much

might need a bail outthe Team’s inability to talk complete bollocks authorititively about cricketing topics really counted against Charlton Pilchered

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Posted: Jun 7th, 2014
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Mexican standoff at Weston-super-Mare roundabout reaches third day

only thing moving for three days was their eyes‘I think we’re going to be stuck here forever, and I’m running low on boiled sweets.’

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Posted: May 8th, 2014
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Somerset to be frozen for curling rinks

‘I’ve always been a big fan of curling,’ he declared shortly after Team GB won its second medal of the games ‘and I think it’s important that we secure the future of the nation’s favourite sport by creating adequate facilities for the curling champions of the future. Somerset’s got lots of water at the moment so it’s the obvious choice.’

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Posted: Feb 21st, 2014
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