‘I’ve always been a big fan of curling,’ he declared shortly after Team GB won its second medal of the games ‘and I think it’s important that we secure the future of the nation’s favourite sport by creating adequate facilities for the curling champions of the future. [read...]
In the face of mounting public criticism, the government has rushed out a new property initiative to complement the popular ‘Help to Buy’ scheme, with particular emphasis on first-time flood victims. [read...]
The world’s largest sponge was dramatically dropped onto Somerset last night by the Environment Agency’s specialist aerial bombardment unit. Officials have reportedly been instructed by Ministers to ‘think the unthinkable’ in order to limit flood damage after standard responses such as sandbagging and beseeching the Almighty proved ineffective. [read...]
Owen Patterson’s valet claims it took him nearly an hour to polish the Environment Minister’s brogues following his recent visit to the Somerset flood plains.
The valet told the Commons Expense Claims Committee that it took the best part of a £1.40 tin of Kiwi light-tan shoe polish to restore the brogues to their former glory. [read...]