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Posts Tagged ‘sponsorship’

Charities admit ‘huge cardboard cheques are a pain to pay in’

Charity cheque‘They don’t fit under the little window, you try bending them and that doesn’t work. Soon everyone behind you starts tutting.’

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2014
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Bradley Manning becomes the face of adult diapers

Shortly before going on trial, Private Manning announced a new sponsorship deal with Tranquillity Incontinence Products. While others have characterised the US soldier’s leaks as a threat to national security, he himself likened it to a warm, wet sensation.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2013
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Police arrest man for using unofficial gesture at torch relay

‘Mr Drayton was arrested after being observed making unpatriotic movements with his right hand. He was waving his clenched fist vigorously up and down, in a manner calculated to cause considerable offence to our sponsors.’

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2012
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Home Secretary admits illegal chips may infiltrate Olympics

‘It’s a nightmare scenario really,’ said Theresa May. ‘We’re potentially looking at multiple chip-related security breaches. We’ve already intercepted one man of Middle-Eastern appearance trying to smuggle in a one-kilo bag of McCain Low Fat Oven Fries, so who knows what else is out there.’

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2012
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Jessica Ennis sets new world record for ‘snatch ads’ revenue

always finding new angles to snatch ad revenue from six different eventsJessica Ennis, British gold medal hopeful for the Olympic heptathlon, has today signed a record sponsorship deal for so-called ‘snatch ads’.

Agent Alison Sanders explained that the ads are displayed on the wearer’s shorts between the legs. ‘They got their name from the way you only snatch a glimpse of the ad as the athlete performs her event,’ said Sanders. ‘This has the effect of ensuring the message sinks long and deep into the viewer’s mind. In terms of dollars per square inch of display space, nothing else comes close.

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Posted: May 27th, 2012
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