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Posts Tagged ‘spoof news satire’

Cats still to decide on inside or outside referendum

The National Cat Association (NCA) has admitted that there is still no consensus about whether they want the free-market roaming that the garden represents or the warm monetary union offered by the airing cupboard.  A spokes-cat said: ‘We didn’t expect a swift decision; to be honest, it could be years.  What we will say is that shouting at us will not make it any quicker’.

Those in favour of staying indoors have said the deal has been sweetened by their German owner, offering additional squatting rights with any cardboard box, computer keyboard or lap of their choice.

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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2015
More from Lifestyle

False widow spider ‘ate my dog’

choose your pets wisely, and train them in martial arts Two unsuspecting American tourists were lynched

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Posted: Nov 10th, 2015
More from From The Archives

007′s car rendered useless by spilt milk

In a pivotal scene, during the twenty-forth ‘James Bond’ film, movie-goers will be treated to a high octane action sequence involving sour smelling diary product. Britain’s most inebriated spy, after Guy Burges, is seen spilling a small cartoon of full-cream milk on his car upholstery, after inadvertently plugging his USB charger into the ejector seat.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2015
More from Arts/Entertainment

Tax credits cause cancer, claims Osborne

In a surprise announcement by the Chancellor, the British public have been warned that suckling on the welfare teat is worse than ‘smoking processed meats’. George Osborne has defended his decision to cut tax credits as an attempt to save lives, combat salami-handouts and low-wage beef jerky.

A spokesman for Mr. Osborne said: ‘We’ve been trying to warn the public, that the welfare state is bad for your health – particularly with our funding of the NHS. Pensions can cause diabetes. Your Housing Allowance will give your herpes. And Disability Benefit causes…um…well…disability’.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2015
More from Politics

Ventnor corner shop abandons one child policy

‘Originally our one child policy was accused of being anti human rights,’ said Derek Smythe. ‘But our prosperity rose, especially where pick and mix was concerned, as a result of decreased pilferage.’

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2015
More from News In Brief