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Posts Tagged ‘spoof news’

Clinton looking forward to ‘a massive cigar’

might still smoke it out in that quiet little room with no cameras...Former President Bill Clinton has greeted with delight the news that Americans might be allowed to import Cuban cigars legally after President Obama announced plans to normalise relations between the two countries. ‘I have had some enormous cigars in the past,’ he told the Washington Post. ‘As a young man these were totally huge. Many of my friends and colleagues will remember just how big these totally legal large cylindrical male-oriented objects were. ’

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Posted: Dec 18th, 2014
More from World News



NRA pledges to give every African child a gun by 2018

The National Rifle Association has committed itself to alleviating ‘firepower poverty’ in the developing world. ‘There are children who’ll grow up without ever knowing the comfort of holding a warm firearm if we don’t take action now,’ said NRA spokesman Brent Maples.

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Posted: Dec 18th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Password complexity to overtake poetry by 2020

‘Limericks won’t cut it’, said one IT insider. ‘They’re too predictable. Iambic pentameter will shortly be the minimum standard acceptable and even then users will need to show a wide range of metaphor and simile if they’re to defeat GCHQ’s computers.

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Posted: Dec 18th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Students ‘ecstatic’ to be returning to parents’ homes

and booze is even cheaper than in the union barThe nation’s university students are said to be ‘overjoyed’ to have escaped the oppression and abject tedium of government-funded piss-ups and sexual exploration and returned home to the exciting, argument-free households of their parents for the festive season.

‘It’s not as if we don’t love our Uni friends,’ said Joe Mappin, a politics student at Edinburgh, ‘of course we do. But that doesn’t necessarily mean spending time with them is easy. It’s just too difficult to avoid drama when you put your whole friendship group in the same room. They’re at each other’s throats after the slightest comment, rehashing old arguments seemingly just out of boredom. What you want is family. They’re just up for a good, relaxed time.’

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Posted: Dec 17th, 2014
More from Education



Africans ‘perfectly well aware it’s Christmas’

‘The choir in my church started singing carols a couple of weeks ago and that reminded me,’ said Jonas Chigumbure, who is one of the few non-churchgoers in his neighbourhood. ‘However, I hadn’t been aware they had done that awful song again – well, at least thank God it’s them instead of us, eh?’

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Posted: Dec 17th, 2014
More from News In Brief