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Posts Tagged ‘spoof news’

Television news switched off in favour of barbecue

Something simply had to be doneBritish television viewers have decided to abandon their TV sets this weekend, thereby missing the important new stories of plane crashes, Gaza and the imminent outbreak of World War Three. Instead they are going to concentrate on getting the barbecue working and drinking Pimms in the back garden.

‘It seems like the right thing to do’ said Lily from Clapham, south London. ‘There are lots of people worrying about the state of the world right now, and I think the best contribution we can make is to have too much to drink on the patio and eat a lot of barbecued chicken wings. If we can get a bit of a sun tan at the same time then so much the better.’

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
More from UK News



Passport photos required to show ‘sex face’

The pissed-off face has been in use for over 20 years and hasn’t kept pace with technological advances.’

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Dylan ‘beyond disappointed’ after hearing tambourine song

Witnesses claim that Dylan’s expression darkened as it became clear that a song played exclusively on a tambourine, a totally percussive instrument with a limited notational range, was really pretty fucking boring.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Metropolitan Police admit to ‘investigating crime’

Met to get back to good old-fashioned snooping, discreditingAt a press conference, Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-O’Hooligan confirmed mounting speculation that police were increasingly targeting known and suspected criminals, but was eager to put the practice into context. ‘I am in no way condoning what has happened, but it is worth pointing out that this was just a few bad apples acting alone and without authorisation. It is now firmly in the past, and moving forward I will ensure every officer upholds the highest standards of the Metropolitan Police by focusing their investigative resources solely on spying on and discrediting those people who seek to establish the truth about cases in which the Met is involved.’

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2014
More from UK News



Glasgow kicked out of Commonwealth Games after failing drugs test

Glasgow tested positive for Amphetamine, Barbiturates, Cocaine, Diamorphine, Ecstasy, Feneazepam, Grass, Heroin, Inhalants, Jellies, Ketamine, LSD, Magic Mushrooms, New Psychoactive Substances, Opiates, Puff, Quat, Resin, Smilies, Temazepan, Ultram, Vanilla Sky, Weed, XTC, Yaba and Zoly.

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2014
More from News In Brief