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Posts Tagged ‘spoof news’

EU to limit the ‘vast emptiness of space’ by 2017

Buoyed by recent success in banning sale or import of all useful vacuum cleaners from September 2014, EU leaders are setting their sights higher from 2017.

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Posted: Aug 29th, 2014
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De-classified documents reveal 4th astronaut ‘accidentally left behind’ after first moon landing

bugger!In the wake of the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11’s historic mission to the moon, recently de-classified official US documents showed that the moon landing, previously considered an outright success for NASA, had in fact seen ‘an unfortunate moment of forgetfulness in an otherwise meticulously executed operation’ leading to Melvin Haines, the fourth astronaut on the Apollo crew, being left behind on the moon’s surface.

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Posted: Aug 29th, 2014
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Cameron calls for calm in the worsening Bake Off conflict

Tart!The UN is calling for air-strikes to intervene after Diana Beard, a 69 year-old WI activist from Shropshire, was filmed taking a bearded combatant’s ice-cream out of the freezer during the Great British Bake Off.

‘It was only for 40 seconds or so,’ she protested to UN observers. Billionaire Peace Envoy Tony Blair tweeted from the safety of his villa in Tuscany, ’45 seconds is all it takes. We cannot stand idly by. #ToldYouSo #MyPlaceInHistory.’

President Obama, in an unusually hawkish mood issued a statement stating that ‘Atrocities against baked Alaska are just unacceptable’. More swiftly than usual he decisively did nothing. A congressman summed up a grim situation: ‘Great Britain is a small country with most of its inhabitants forced into a narrow strip of land to the south facing the sea. The people have literally no-where to go, it is a siege.’

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2014
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Tragedy shows that gun skills should be taught in kindergarten, if not the womb

The tragic death of a firearms instructor at the hands of an unskilled 9 year old girl reinforces the need for early gun education, say experts. ‘I’m shocked that she was only getting her first experience at nine’, said Jake Hacker of the NRA. ‘What were her parents thinking?’

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2014
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Cult of Cthulhu surprised by progress of ice summoning ritual

The ‘Doomsday cult’ worshiping the Elder God Cthulhu have expressed their surprise and delight that so many are participating in their attempt to release their master from his watery prison.

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2014
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