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Posts Tagged ‘spoof news’

James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killExcessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs have made life unbearable.

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Posted: May 21st, 2015
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Labour to show business-friendly credentials by snorting cocaine

Labour's only remaining option to get its confidence backStung by the revelation that its election campaign did not understand the worlds of enterprise and high finance, the contenders for the party leadership have vowed to prove their business credentials. This will start next week, with Yvette Cooper offering her naked buttocks as a cocaine-cruet for Andy Burnham.

‘In hindsight, our campaign lacked the energy that business-minded people can bring to the party,’ said Burnham, announcing the snorting programme. ‘We have overlooked the kind of people who aspire to prosperity, wealth and reckless behaviour involving snorting Class A drugs from leadership contenders’ naked flesh.’

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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Tories to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall

The Conservatives have announced plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall in a massive new infrastructure project that will create up to 100,000 new jobs. Project costs of £50 billion will be met by scrapping the controversial HS2 rail project. The wall is to be modelled on the DMZ that divides North and South Korea and will be renamed the ‘Thatcher parallel’.

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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Banks to repay mortgages now inflation is negative

‘It’s the only decent thing to do,” said Mark Carney, governor of the Bank of England, after announcing that inflation had turned negative and that consequently banks will be reimbursing mortgage payments. George Osborne immediately outlined plans to reimburse savers tax paid on their savings, backdated indefinitely.

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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Daily Mail holds swearing-at ceremony for new French president

Will this man cause the price of your house to CRASH? Speccy French git could give you cancer

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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