In an attempt to allay Western fears it is on the verge of producing a nuclear weapon, Iran says it is merely aiming to produce the world’s most powerful kettle, heated by nuclear power. [read...]
Group of dearth: the one with England in it Atmosphere in the England camp: An unobservable but crucial substance, with the capacity to animate pundits for an hour at a time. Typically very good for up to two weeks but known to dissolve and disintegrate in latter stages ‘The lad’s done tremendous there’: The player… [read...]
In a bold move to reduce the amount of time that passengers spend waiting for flights that never take off, Easyjet are to introduce the pre-cancelled flight. Hours of frustrating and pointless waiting will be eliminated and delays could be made a thing of the past. [read...]
A police spokesman has issued a public apology today for recent reports suggesting that certain suspects had ‘distinctive tattoos’. ‘For example, we recently stated that a suspect wanted in connection with a triple murder had a distinctive spider’s web tattoo on his neck. [read...]
A spokesman for Umlauts explained: ‘My client has been squiggling over the International Phonetic Alphabet for over a thousand years. Quite frankly it’s insulting to see some gurning chancer telling us how to feel – when James Corden will do that for free’. [read...]
