It’s been revealed that the decision to close down BBC Three was not made by Director-General Tony Hall, but by BBC One autocues which have developed consciousness. It’s thought that the execution of BBC Three is the first stage in an attempt by the autocues to take over the entire communications infrastructure of the nation.
Posted: Mar 9th, 2014
More from News In Brief
Frustrated males shamed into embracing a healthy regime have been outraged to discover that starchy, tuberous crops are not the route to a six-pack, female approval and eternal life as had been previously suggested. In fact, recent health reports classify the humble potato’s nutritional value as being on par with ‘asbestos’, ‘plutonium’ and ‘licking the underside of Eric Pickles.’
‘Tubby gents’ feel naturally aggrieved that someone appears to be ‘moving the goal posts’ in terms of dieting expectations. A spokesman for rotund males admitted: ‘I know we could lose a few pounds but what can we eat? We are told no fats, no proteins and now the spud. I’m genuinely confused. It grows in the ground, right? What is it then, some kind of meat? If it’s a meat, it should probably taste better’.
Posted: Mar 8th, 2014
More from Health
Jack Wilshere has vowed to do everything he can to ensure that he’s fit in time to get injured again in this summer’s World Cup in Brazil. The injury prone Arsenal midfielder told reporters today that he’s confident he will have recovered from the broken bone in his foot in time to come a cropper against Italy on June 14th.
Posted: Mar 8th, 2014
More from News In Brief
While the world holds its breath and hopes that the current stand-off between Russia and Ukraine does not lead a wider regional conflict or even a second Cold War, the Illuminati are cackling with glee as their plans for world domination through manipulation of the London property market fall quietly into place.
‘We were getting fed up with being unable to take over the world politically, despite assassinating the Kennedys, orchestrating both Iraq wars and foiling Nadine Dorries’ attempt to win I’m A Celebrity, so we decided to strike economically instead,’ explained Grand Master Hermann von Rosencrantz. ‘I changed my name to Graham Saunders, went to work for Foxtons in Shoreditch and bided my time.’
Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
More from World News
The result of the bidding to be the next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics are set to be announced at a glitzy ceremony in St Tropez later today.
The competition hasn’t been as fierce as expected in the race to follow in the footsteps of Poland in 1920, Hungary in 1956, the 1968 event in Czechoslovakia and the more recent hosts Georgia and Ukraine as had been expected.
Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
More from News In Brief
Loading...