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Posts Tagged ‘spoof’

PE teacher genome sequenced; possible cure ‘within 5 years’

Scientists have announced that PE teachers could be identified in the womb using a new DNA test. The breakthrough follows the complete sequencing of the ‘PE teacher genome’, which is a 98% match with human DNA.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
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Referees to use nail guns to keep feet behind vanishing foam

The FA will ensure that Premier League referees will be better equipped to handle encroachment at free-kicks for the coming season, with the introduction of ‘heavy-duty nail guns’, Chief Executive Richard Scudamore announced today.

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Posted: Aug 7th, 2014
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Married men delighted with return of ‘The Great British Bake Off’

After an agonisingly long wait, married men up and down the country were delighted to see the return of the BBC’s ‘The Great British Bake Off’ last night.

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Posted: Aug 7th, 2014
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Veteran dog walker finally finds corpse in woods

After years of waking up early to take his dog for a walk through the woods, retiree Mike Edwards has finally found a corpse. The grim discovery, which he suspects will be the first of many, was made early yesterday morning when he noticed a hand sticking out from beneath some leaves.

‘I’ve been walking my dog through the woods every morning since I retired fifteen years ago’, said the 67-year-old. ‘Everybody knows that all dog walkers eventually find something like this, but I’ve not once found a mangled body or a skeleton. I’ve never even come across a discarded running shoe with the foot still inside. That all changed today; it’s terribly exciting’.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2014
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Special K women in court on suspicion of theft

A gang of beautiful women appeared in court today facing charges of theft and trespassing. The women of mixed origins were nabbed last week at a barn in Kent where Police found them feasting on their ill-gotten grains.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2014
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