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Posts Tagged ‘spoof’

Special K women in court on suspicion of theft

A gang of beautiful women appeared in court today facing charges of theft and trespassing. The women of mixed origins were nabbed last week at a barn in Kent where Police found them feasting on their ill-gotten grains.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2014
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Ecclestone appointed as Justice Czar: New crime tariffs announced

Bernie Ecclestone is to lead a ‘modernised’ justice system, with cash penalties rather than time in jail as the deterrent. ‘It works in every walk of life’, he told journalists.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2014
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Critically acclaimed street performer actually ‘pissed angry dosser’, says Fringe

Fringe Festival organisers have confirmed today that a man who has been delighting tourists on Edinburgh’s High Street is not an ‘artsy street performer’, but actually a local homeless man with alcohol issues and an aggressive personality disorder.

The clarification comes after the Guardian gave the man, known locally as ‘Mad Davie’, a five-star review. ‘Street theatre doesn’t get any better than this’, claimed critic Fenton Barnes in the misguided and widely-read review. ‘The boorishness of Mad Davie’s performance is a wonderful counterpoint to all that is going on around him – in Mad Davie’s hands being told to ‘eff off back where ye come from’ – is truly exhilarating.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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Celebrities to be fitted with cat bells ‘to give kids a chance’

Under new Home Office guidelines, all celebrities are to be surgically fitted with cat bells so that children can hear them approaching.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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Driverless cars allowed on UK roads, once they have turned 17

Driverless cars won’t be allowed on Britain’s roads until they have passed their test, said a spokesman for the Department of Transport. And in the latest setback to the rapid introduction of the high-tech vehicles, it was revealed that the cars would not be allowed to apply for their test until they are at least 17-years-old and covered in acne. This could delay their introduction until 2031.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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