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News In Brief

RyanAir to save costs by getting the passengers to fly planes

Government hail green shoots of recovery as office scrounger borrows less than forecast

Public surprised by dishonesty of organisation based entirely on lies

George Bush thanks 9/11 conspiracy theorists for finally giving him some credit

Pete Doherty awarded home hearing after completing court loyalty card

Low voter turnout could mean shock election win for Apathy Party

Chief Medical Officer told to ‘Fuck right off’ by tired people

Scientist who discovered secret of the universe isn’t telling

Teenagers in Protest over Delinquent Shopkeepers

Al-Qaeda to hold Away Day in Weston-super-mare

Wales retaliates by paving over a forest the size of the Amazon

Dr Who complains of ‘ageist attitudes’ on Earth

Inner city gangs ‘turning to trophy wives’

NASA in talks with budget airlines

Tesco in bold move to restart slave trade

Seaside town to end 74 year Royal grudge

Universe to shut down for a year to address ‘design flaws’

‘Special relationship’; UK and US agree to see other countries

Hadron Collider faces closure after child traps Higgs Boson in jam jar

Jon Venables; shock as caller tells phone-in ‘I’m not qualified to make judgements’