The Government has decreed that all high-powered sports cars will have to comply with a new law designed to reduce carbon emissions. From January 1st all cars with an engine size of greater than three litres will have to display a separate license, similar to a taxi plate, clearly stating the size of the driver’s penis.
Porsche have claimed that their decision to withdraw completely from the UK market on the same date is ‘entirely coincidental’
and denied that their customers would be the worst affected.

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson blasted the idea before announcing that he had succumbed to ‘Global Warming guilt’ and was downgrading his car to a one point three Renault. ‘Little’ Richard Hammond however was surprisingly seen at the Ferrari showroom smugly ordering a top of the range model and an illuminated plate.

Other British drivers have been lobbying the Government to embrace the metric system so that six inches may appear as a bold fifteen cm.. Female motorists welcomed the move and are exempt from the law by default. ‘It’s not just a matter of anatomy’ explained the Transport Minister. ‘Very few women are attracted to these brash and expensive vehicles, though the ones that are might have to display the penis size of their footballer husband.’

Another law was blocked by SUV drivers who won an appeal against their IQs being displayed on their cars. It was successfully argued that in the vast majority of cases the simple 4 x 4 multiplication on the back of their vehicles already gave the correct answer.

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