Entrepreneurial giants, Sir Philip Green and Mike Ashley, have rocked the world of high street retail by announcing they are married. The secret ceremony took place on board HMS Blowjob, a luxury yacht owned by vacuum tycoon James Dyson. [read...]
The government has announced plans to repurpose its long awaited contact-tracing app to find lost socks instead of people who may have come into contact with coronavirus. “The inexplicable disappearance of socks is one of the great mysteries of life. [read...]
Sports Direct owner Mike Ashley has offered to pay off his £605 million tax bill in Belgium with stock of equivalent value from his UK stores, it has been revealed today. Details remain sketchy at this stage but the deal is thought to comprise around a billion pairs of Lonsdale trainers, [read...]
Sports Direct will close its doors after all today, after Government officials provided clarification that the company’s gallon sized branded mugs were not an essential item to help people through the coronavirus. Mike Ashley had claimed that each of his oversize mugs could be used as a temporary hospital, [read...]
Market analysts suspect that the 60% reduction in profits at Sports Direct may be related to them having no employees at all actually dealing with shoppers. Studies have shown that the skeleton staff are instead employed to stand on very tall ladders putting replica Premiership football shirts out of reach, [read...]
