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Posts Tagged ‘stock exchange’

Furious Facebook investors pacified by amusing picture of kitten

noAs its share value continued to plummet towards zero in its first week of trading, social media giant Facebook has seen off a major revolt by thousands of furious shareholders by issuing a series of heartwarming and whimsical posts featuring kittens and other adorable internet memes.

Shares in the company were initially made available at $39 each last week. But they plummeted to barely $35 within hours of trading, as new shareholders logged onto Facebook for the first time. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was just a bunch of solipsistic ramblings and inane platitudes being ascribed to the Dalai Lama,’ bemoaned first-time investor Alex Joseph. ‘All for $39 a pop. Thank you very much Mark fuckin’ Zuckerberg.’

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Posted: May 29th, 2012
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Greece shocked to learn it is now owned by Germany

‘I was gob-smacked when I read the small print,’ admitted Greek Prime Minister, George Papandreou, in hastily-learned German, now the official language of Greece. ‘It’s a blow, but I’m sure in a few years time the Americans will be over here to bail us all out properly.’

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2011
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