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Posts Tagged ‘students’

Worrying report shows most twentysomethings ‘still not feeling Christmassy’

A report by the Department of Health has concluded that the majority of people in their mid-twenties are still not feeling the magic of the festive season despite the worrying proximity to Christmas Day.

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Posted: Dec 22nd, 2013
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Prince Philip ‘showing worrying signs of being back on good form’

‘Unfortunately,’ said psychiatrist Dr Karen Young, ‘the Duke seems to be back to that previous period of robust form when, during a state visit to China, he told a group of British students: ‘If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed’; or when he told a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea:’You managed not to get eaten,then?’

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Posted: Feb 22nd, 2013
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Burglars call for cuts in tuition fees as student numbers fall

will pay it all back when they start earning £20k a year‘With student houses you have at least four sets of laptops, iPhones and a fair bit of ready cash in each house, protected only by a front door that they’re probably too stoned to lock,’ said a spokesburglar. ‘If there aren’t any students, how are we going to make an honest living?’

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2012
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Big Society permits killing of chuggers, says Cameron

David Cameron has announced that, as part of the Big Society, British citizens will be allowed to kill any student on minimum wage who accosts them in the street, pretends he is working for Save the Squid and treats them as their greatest friend on Earth.

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2011
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Indian labourer backpacks around Britain to find himself

found himself about fourteen miles outside LutonMiranjit gave up the security of a stable 16-hour-a-day job, a standpipe within an hour’s walk, and two sheets of corrugated iron over his head.

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Posted: Jan 10th, 2011
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