After decades of unrivalled success Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory may eventually be approaching meltdown. Issuing a profit warning – ahead of first quarterly earnings for 2018 – the famous chocolatier referred to the pending impact of the new sugar tax. [read...]
In response to the dramatic decision by the government to alter the mood of millions of kids by forcing manufacturers to reduce sugar in soft drinks, Education Minister Damian Hinds is allowing authorities to permit ‘the carrying and gnawing of emotional support sugar canes and sugar beet on school premises.’ Being vegetables, [read...]
Children are demanding compensation if the government’s proposed sugar tax dents the value of their pocket money. ‘How are we expected to buy M&Ms with our meagre stipend? We’ve had below inflation rises since, er, [read...]
With the manufacturing industry in decline and the public sector is sold off for ‘spare parts’, there will be a significant expansion in ‘those in need of a sugar rush’. It does however mean that 70% of the UK’s output will now be based on school tuck-shop revue; [read...]
‘ISIS represent the gravest threat to world peace in our time’ said Defence Minister Michael Fallon. ‘We believe we must fight them with all the means at our disposal. If that means giving them carbonated drinks that will rot their teeth and increase the risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes, [read...]
