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Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

Boris Nemtsov committed suicide, no really

‘All the evidence, including eyewitness reports from persons, some of whom were at the incident, is that Mr Nemtsov repeatedly threw himself in front of bullets. As far as we can tell, there was nothing anyone could do.’

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Posted: Mar 2nd, 2015
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Goths getting in the way of fight against terrorism

Home Secretary Theresa May has published a new report that blames Goths for hampering the war against terror. ‘It would all have been over years ago if it wasn’t for the stupid bloody Goths posting all their self-harm and suicidal fantasies online,’ she said.

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2015
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Train suicide man delayed on journey to Heaven by live man on the rail

Shortly after his death Mr Rackly was heard to remark to his fellow travellers in the afterlife that the delay was ‘bloody typical’, that the live man on the rail showed ‘no consideration’ and that he would be ‘haunting his arse’.

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Posted: Apr 30th, 2012
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Suicide bid for Olympics

‘No bugger helped me to top myself,’ she said. ‘They just kept putting the boot in by lengthening the season.’

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2012
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Awkwardness and return to status quo as everyone in UK attempts to fake death on same day

same time next year thenMillions of Britons were left rolling their eyes and shrugging to each other today as it became clear that they had all chosen the same day to fake their own deaths in a bid to escape crippling debt, dysfunctional relationships or untenable positions at work.

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Posted: Jan 16th, 2012
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