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Posts Tagged ‘supermarket’

Cow left in Asda by protesting farmer promoted to store manager

A dairy cow which was left in an Asda supermarket in Middlesbrough last month has been put in charge of running the store, it has emerged. Daisy had been taken to the store by farmer Kevin Pritchard as part of a nationwide protest against falling milk prices but has proven to be the best placed candidate to run the store.

‘Kevin left me in the shop while he went off to talk to the local journos,’ said Daisy. ‘When there was a bit of an altercation he was manhandled off the premises, leaving me stranded in Aisle 6, Dairy, Eggs & Cheese. I felt a bit spare so when an old lady asked me if I knew which aisle the Steradent was kept in I took her round to Aisle 2, Toiletries & Feminine Hygiene, and it started from there.’

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2015
More from Business

Lidl is ‘gateway store’ for middle classes

An independent enquiry has revealed that grocery retailer Lidl has become a gateway store, leading the middle classes to try harder discounters like Netto and Poundland. Well-heeled shoppers are enticed in with cut-price flowers and the smell of fresh ciabatta, only to become addicted.

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2015
More from News In Brief

Man wakes to find new Tesco in right ear

buy two ears, get nose free! ‘Obviously popping down the shops is a lot easier than it used to be’

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2014
More from From The Archives

Hopes fading for missing Tesco ‘waste mountain’ climber

unexpected item in the mountain-bagging areaMountain Rescue have officially called-off the search for missing mountaineer, Tim Grey, forty-eight hours after the intrepid explorer went missing near the summit of the ever-growing Tesco ‘waste mountain’.

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2013
More from UK News

Tesco self-scan machine develops consciousness

customers struggled to answer its questionsThere was excitement at a Haslemere branch of Tesco Local yesterday when one of its self-scan machines exhibited signs of heightened awareness and began communicating with shoppers.

‘For a few days the machine had been repeating the phrase, Unexpected Item In Bagging Area’’, said Assistant Manager Mrs Maureen Grebe. ‘Then yesterday it began asking deeper questions such as, ‘Am I an unexpected item? Are you? Are we all unexpected items in the bagging area of life?’ Now it won’t shut up.’

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2013
More from Science/Technology