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Posts Tagged ‘Swine Flu’

What doesn’t kill you may not actually make you stronger, warn doctors

soon afterwards, this man was run over by a truckControversial new research published today in The Lancet challenges the accepted medical wisdom that any ailment which does not result in your death must inevitably make you stronger. Doctors have discovered that among those conditions which won’t leave you feeling better than before are cancer, HIV/AIDS, strokes, Parkinson’s disease, a broken spine, Ebola, heart attacks, radiation poisoning and massive trauma to the head. In fact the study concluded that the only medical condition that will definitely make you stronger is prolonged steroid addiction, but that too can cause premature death.

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Posted: Jul 30th, 2014
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Bird Flu-resistant chickens ‘actually cats’

Researchers who have developed a new genetically modified strain of chickens that are able to resist bird flu have denied claims they are actually cats.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2011
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Widespread panic as PCs develop resistance to ‘turning it off and on again’

Office workers have reported scenes of anger, consternation and panic as PCs up and down the country yesterday failed to respond to the popular troubleshooting technique of ‘turning it off and on again’.

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2010
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Pharmaceutical companies cashing in ahead of feared ‘World Cup fever’ outbreak

Pharmaceutical companies welcomed a decision by UK authorities to spend millions of pounds on medication to counter an imminent threat of ‘World Cup Fever’.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2010
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Experts still undecided on this year’s health scare

best to hide until whatever it is goes awayThe World Health Organisation has called together the planet’s leading medical scientists for a crisis conference, after admitting that they had yet to agree upon this year’s global health scare.

‘We may have a disaster on our hands.’ confessed Dr Paul Nunn of the WHO, writing in The Lancet. ‘The world could be without a major epidemic to fret about next winter. That would be unthinkable, leaving most of us with no media interviews, lucrative consultancies or entertainment from drug companies. We simply can‘t let that happen and we must protect ourselves, and, er, the population as a whole from the dire consequences.’

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Posted: May 21st, 2010
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