NewsBiscuit

Britain’s gloomiest man has described 2010 as his ‘annus horribilis’, although confidently predicts 2011 will probably be worse.

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2010
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A medical researcher has been hailed as a modern-day Louis Pasteur after inadvertently discovering a cure for Swine Flu on a battered schoolboy’s pencil case at a car boot sale.

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Posted: Aug 3rd, 2009
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Controversial new research published today in The Lancet challenges the accepted medical wisdom that any ailment which does not result in your death must inevitably make you stronger. Doctors have discovered that among those conditions which won’t leave you feeling better than before are cancer, HIV/AIDS, strokes, Parkinson’s disease, a broken spine, Ebola, heart attacks, radiation poisoning and massive trauma to the head. In fact the study concluded that the only medical condition that will definitely make you stronger is prolonged steroid addiction, but that too can cause premature death.

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Posted: Jul 10th, 2009
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The global swine Flu pandemic was officially launched in Sydney today to an estimated global audience of 3 billion. Critics hailed the spectacular as ‘the most impressive pandemic launch yet’, by general consent eclipsing the event at the Bird Flu stadium in Beijing two years ago.

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Posted: Jun 13th, 2009
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The World Health Organisation has confirmed that the current foolishness epidemic has been upgraded to a full-blown pandemic of stupidity following the outcome of the European Elections. UN officials had been monitoring events ever since the fatal outbreak of Jade Goody in the UK and were increasingly alarmed following a bout of Gordon Ramsay in Australia earlier this month, the test for pandemic status requiring outbreaks on more than one continent.

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Posted: Jun 12th, 2009
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