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Posts Tagged ‘Syria’

Putin demands Turkey for Christmas

Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, has reportedly informed his cabinet that he will accept nothing less than a stuffed NATO ally to sate his appetite. While David Cameron has said there will only be a coalition of the willing, if suckling pig is on the menu.

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Posted: Nov 27th, 2015
More from News In Brief

‘If you don’t like killing stuff you’re a terrorist‏’ – FACT

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2015
More from Left Alert

Smart weapons to boycott ‘dumb’ Syrian air strikes

There are unconfirmed rumours that a ‘significant’ number of smart-bombs are threatening to withhold their explosive capabilities in protest against the ever-changing pattern of alliance, counter-alliance, and counter-counter-alliance that has left Syria a veritable – and actual – minefield of political factions.

Lance, a 250lb GBU-39 SDB, takes up the story. ‘It’s just so bloody frustrating and unprofessional.  You spend hours boning up on a Alawite stronghold, then in-flight it changes to an Al-Assad loyalist column.  By the time you are actually over the target it’s probably Al Murray and the sodding Dagenham Girl Pipers.

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2015
More from Science/Technology

‘Extreme poverty’ unlikely to become an Olympic Sport‏

While five new sports, including ‘Sepp Blatter Accounting’, are set to be added to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, impoverished activities like ‘ultra-privation’ or ‘uber-penury’ are unlikely to make the cut.  In fact, according to the World Bank, participation in ‘extreme poverty’ has fallen below 10%, putting it on par with English rugby as ‘something no one wants to be part of’.

Ministers, having investing a lot of time in not investing in welfare, had hoped a cut to tax credits might inspire a generation of disenfranchised athletes.  However, using the poverty income figure of $1.90 per day, very few Premiership footballers fall into that category.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2015
More from Sport

NRA calls for more guns in Syria

America’s National Rifle Association has identified a lack of guns in Syria as the reason for the high number of deaths from shootings there. A spokesman said: ‘That mass shooting at a military checkpoint would never have happened if someone had already shot the people who did it.’

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2015
More from News In Brief