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Posts Tagged ‘Syria’

4×4 owners to be deployed against Islamic State

‘If I’d known I was signing up for military service I’d have bought an ordinary car’, said Fiona Jenkins (33), who uses her Suzuki Jimny to ferry the children to school. ‘I just thought it would be good in icy weather and if, you know, I needed to mount the curb. Turns out that ownership of a 4 x 4 is a form of military covenant and you automatically join the Army Reserve.’

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Posted: May 5th, 2015
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ISIS health service ‘in crisis’

Leading figures from the feared Islamic State have issued a statement today claiming that their segregated health service is already in ‘crisis’.

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2015
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Club 18 – 30 urged to drop Syria from its itinerary

Hedonistic travel operator Club 18 – 30 has found itself under increasing pressure to abandon its popular new destination Syria.

‘It’s true, we’ve had a bit of support for our Jihad weekend breaks,’ said a Club 18 – 30 spokesman, ‘but to be honest, the reps aren’t happy. The hotels tend to be in a state of disrepair, even before the hen parties trash them, and providing Brits on tour with sidearms is just asking for trouble.’

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2015
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‘Whoever smelt it dealt it’, claims Assad, denying use of chemical weapons

Syrian president Bashir Assad has denied dropping chlorine gas on a town in the northeast of the country, citing an outdated technicality in international law. The clause, which dates back to 1873, states: ‘whoever smelt it dealt it,’ implying that rebel groups might have released the harmful gas themselves, presumably in order to gain international support.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2015
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Runaway teens disappointed that Islamic State doesn’t have Apple Watch

London teenagers who travelled to Syria to become jihadists want to return home because IS doesn’t have the Apple Watch. Several Facebook postings by the runaway teens shows them lamenting the absence of Apple Watch despite prayers and appeals to the Islamic State’s religious leaders.

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2015
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