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Posts Tagged ‘Syria’

‘Extreme poverty’ unlikely to become an Olympic Sport‏

While five new sports, including ‘Sepp Blatter Accounting’, are set to be added to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, impoverished activities like ‘ultra-privation’ or ‘uber-penury’ are unlikely to make the cut.  In fact, according to the World Bank, participation in ‘extreme poverty’ has fallen below 10%, putting it on par with English rugby as ‘something no one wants to be part of’.

Ministers, having investing a lot of time in not investing in welfare, had hoped a cut to tax credits might inspire a generation of disenfranchised athletes.  However, using the poverty income figure of $1.90 per day, very few Premiership footballers fall into that category.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2015
More from Sport

NRA calls for more guns in Syria

America’s National Rifle Association has identified a lack of guns in Syria as the reason for the high number of deaths from shootings there. A spokesman said: ‘That mass shooting at a military checkpoint would never have happened if someone had already shot the people who did it.’

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2015
More from News In Brief

Russian airstrikes on Syria begin, in Ukraine

Major Owen Schnauzmann of the US Air Force confirmed that the first strikes in support of the much maligned Syrian President Bashar al-Assad centred around Eastern Ukraine where Russian intelligence says a great deal of the Syrian rebel forces are co-ordinating activities and manning a key supply route.

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2015
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France ends refugee crisis by bombing Syria

With barely 10,000 refugees arriving at the Hungarian border in the last few days, many in the EU were starting to panic that we might run out of dispossessed masses, reasons to vote UKIP or emotive photographs of a child’s abandoned shoe. Fortunately the French government has sprung into action with air strikes in Syria, so as to force the remaining cowering citizens to emigrate using the nearest raft.

NATO members offered their support for the French bombing policy, which had already done such a remarkable job of bringing peace and stability to Iraq before it. In turn the British Prime Minister, David Cameron – who spent much of last year railing against Bashar al-Assad – has now endorsed him as a perfect ‘transitional President’ as Syria transitions from 2016 AD to 2016 BC.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2015
More from World News

EasyJet defends decision to open Damascus/Berlin service

‘Our website has been overwhelmed, we’re delighted,’ exclaimed Jerry Flynn Bookings Manager in Dublin. ‘There has been an above-average uptake of additional luggage bookings too.’ he added. With many opting for a return flight linked with a shuttle service from Birmingham for the hundreds of schoolgirl Jihadist-wives…

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2015
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