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Posts Tagged ‘Syria’

Islamic State launches

at last, real choice in the Jihadi marketplaceIslamic state hopes to help jihadists “find a way of waging war against the infidel that’s right for you” by launching a jihad comparison website, it was confirmed today. “There’s a huge confusing market, particularly in afterlife care,” said a spokesman. “Al Shabab in the Maghreb has instant paradise on a kill-as-you-go deal, whereas Al Qaeda in the Yemen is offering unlimited virgins on a 24 month contract. How do you decide?”

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2015
More from Faith

4×4 owners to be deployed against Islamic State

‘If I’d known I was signing up for military service I’d have bought an ordinary car’, said Fiona Jenkins (33), who uses her Suzuki Jimny to ferry the children to school. ‘I just thought it would be good in icy weather and if, you know, I needed to mount the curb. Turns out that ownership of a 4 x 4 is a form of military covenant and you automatically join the Army Reserve.’

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Posted: May 5th, 2015
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ISIS health service ‘in crisis’

Leading figures from the feared Islamic State have issued a statement today claiming that their segregated health service is already in ‘crisis’.

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2015
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Club 18 – 30 urged to drop Syria from its itinerary

Hedonistic travel operator Club 18 – 30 has found itself under increasing pressure to abandon its popular new destination Syria.

‘It’s true, we’ve had a bit of support for our Jihad weekend breaks,’ said a Club 18 – 30 spokesman, ‘but to be honest, the reps aren’t happy. The hotels tend to be in a state of disrepair, even before the hen parties trash them, and providing Brits on tour with sidearms is just asking for trouble.’

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2015
More from Lifestyle

‘Whoever smelt it dealt it’, claims Assad, denying use of chemical weapons

Syrian president Bashir Assad has denied dropping chlorine gas on a town in the northeast of the country, citing an outdated technicality in international law. The clause, which dates back to 1873, states: ‘whoever smelt it dealt it,’ implying that rebel groups might have released the harmful gas themselves, presumably in order to gain international support.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2015
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