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Posts Tagged ‘Syria’

Refugee nearly managed to cancel Sky

A spokesman for Sky said ‘This was an extremely rare event; and we have put in place many security measures, including trip wires, air tight doors and automatically extending contracts.

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Posted: Aug 7th, 2015
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Migrants face ‘milk and honey ban’ at UK Supermarkets

David Cameron has unveiled emergency legislation to forbid the sale of milk and honey products to those who do not have the legal right to be in Britain.

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Posted: Aug 6th, 2015
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IS adopts chocolate money as national currency

Without a functioning national mint, IS has implemented a monetary system largely based on gold foil-wrapped milk chocolate coins brought by British jihadists when they headed off to the scorched deserts of Iraq rather than endure another Christmas in the UK.

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Posted: Jul 12th, 2015
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Islamic State launches

at last, real choice in the Jihadi marketplaceIslamic state hopes to help jihadists “find a way of waging war against the infidel that’s right for you” by launching a jihad comparison website, it was confirmed today. “There’s a huge confusing market, particularly in afterlife care,” said a spokesman. “Al Shabab in the Maghreb has instant paradise on a kill-as-you-go deal, whereas Al Qaeda in the Yemen is offering unlimited virgins on a 24 month contract. How do you decide?”

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2015
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4×4 owners to be deployed against Islamic State

‘If I’d known I was signing up for military service I’d have bought an ordinary car’, said Fiona Jenkins (33), who uses her Suzuki Jimny to ferry the children to school. ‘I just thought it would be good in icy weather and if, you know, I needed to mount the curb. Turns out that ownership of a 4 x 4 is a form of military covenant and you automatically join the Army Reserve.’

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Posted: May 5th, 2015
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