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Posts Tagged ‘teachers’

GCSEs to be replaced by Hunger Games

streaming at its best‘For too long, we have allowed young people to leave school without a basic grasp of mental arithmetic, grammar or machetes’.

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2014
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PE teacher genome sequenced; possible cure ‘within 5 years’

Scientists have announced that PE teachers could be identified in the womb using a new DNA test. The breakthrough follows the complete sequencing of the ‘PE teacher genome’, which is a 98% match with human DNA.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
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Teachers remembering how much they love teaching

no more detention for at least six weeksAs their second week of holiday looms, ink stains fade and the Prozac leaves their system, most teachers are reminded just how rewarding their job is if only they could phase out their students. As one relaxing classroom assistant commented: ‘It’s not that I hate the children, I ‘m just saying its nice to be without my nervous twitch, sense of impending doom and the irrational desire to adopt the foetal position every time I see hear a school bell’.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2014
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Britain to swap creepy PE teachers with China

As part of an exchange programme, Shanghai has agreed to import 60 British PE teachers in exchange for 60 of its finest Maths specialists. The Department for Education sees this as a golden opportunity to raise skill levels and teach China some new things.

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2014
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Labour to introduce breakdown cover for teachers

Under a Labour government teachers would be required to take out annual breakdown cover in order to work in English state schools, announced Shadow education secretary Tristram Hunt yesterday.

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2014
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