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Posts Tagged ‘technology’

Driverless cars allowed on UK roads, once they have turned 17

Driverless cars won’t be allowed on Britain’s roads until they have passed their test, said a spokesman for the Department of Transport. And in the latest setback to the rapid introduction of the high-tech vehicles, it was revealed that the cars would not be allowed to apply for their test until they are at least 17-years-old and covered in acne. This could delay their introduction until 2031.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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Dixons Carphone launch ‘FannyCock’ range

Already weary of dismal stand-up comedians and armchair satirists alike milking ‘dicks on car phone’ jokes, the newly merged Dixons Carphone company has hit back by announcing their new signature range of in-car communications will be branded ‘FannyCock’.

Head of Marketing Theo Holtom proudly said, ‘FannyCock is already a runaway success with pre-orders outstripping capacity, particularly in Thailand and Austria, oddly. We have been asked to bring out a range of phones and tablets for business users so jaded executives can say ‘Ya I’m on the FannyCock today, send me your spreadsheets and I’ll look at them on that’.

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Posted: May 18th, 2014
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Grandmother in fear of iPad Christmas present

Grandmother Margaret Edwards has another thirty-six sleepless nights to endure before Christmas Day when she fears her family will be giving her an iPad as a Christmas present.

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2013
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Television owners ‘getting more stupid’, say increasingly intelligent televisions

TVs getting really quite high-browSmart TVs have started to object to being purchased by what they call ‘dumb viewers’. At the third annual conference of the world’s most technologically advanced sentient televisions, a committee of the smartest sets on the market expressed intense concern that a high proportion of their viewers are getting less and less intelligent.

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Posted: Nov 12th, 2013
More from Science/Technology



Microsoft buys Betamax

Microsoft has bought Betamax, hoping to steal a march on more successful rivals such as Apple and Samsung. Having dismissed the internet as ‘a passing fad’, and countered the threat of tablet computers by putting wheels on a PC, Steve Ballmer, Microsoft’s CEO, is keen to get the company back on track.

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2013
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