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Posts Tagged ‘television’

Sales of big screen TVs slump as people start sitting closer

Sales of large screen LCD TVs have nose-dived as people have realised that the same affect can be obtained by moving the chair closer to the television.

‘This has saved me a fortune’, said Chas Porter of Basildon, ‘and that whole surround-sound effect can be achieved by simply turning up the volume.’

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2012
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Government sets up regulatory body Oftoss for crap Friday night TV

includes set-bottom boxThe Government today swung into action over growing complaints about plummeting standards in crap Friday night TV.

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2011
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Some dying octopus gets covered on TV, for Christ’s sake

Confirmation that you are not mad, it’s the world around you, emerged this week, when every British television channel carried a story about some bloody animal with tentacles dying in its tank in Germany.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2010
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Coalition government to define new poverty levels based on size of plasma TV

Nick Clegg’s speech will give a speech tomorrow confirming that anyone with a plasma TV under 37 inches is ‘marginal breadline’.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2010
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No-good punks let off by bleeding-heart liberal judges ‘actually in the minority’, says TV-based research

Most sons of bitches get what's coming to 'emAn extensive study of court cases involving American legal luminaries such as Quincy, the California Highway Patrol and Magnum PI has exploded the myth that no-good punks invariably get off scot free.

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2009
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