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Posts Tagged ‘terrorism’

Suicide bombing ‘should be illegal for Under 18s’

‘If he had been 18 – well, fair enough. Eighteen is fine. In fact, if he’d been in his twenties I’d have been positively bored by the story.’

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2015
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85-year-old greengrocer named as Jihadi John

Friends and neighbours in the Ealing were surprised today to find out that former greengrocer Albert Thomas, 85, was the ruthless ISIS executioner ‘Jihadi John’. ‘He was a quiet bloke,’ said one, ‘Not really the type you would expect to decapitate hostages in cold blood, video it and then broadcast pictures around the world.’

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Posted: Mar 2nd, 2015
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GP receptionists identified as ‘terrorist group’ by UK Government

Home Secretary Theresa May has proscribed GP receptionists as a designated terrorist organisation. The deeply loathed group, along with nightclub bouncers and PPI cold callers, was added to the approved list under the Terrorism Act earlier today.

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2015
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Colleges to offer NVQ in terrorism

Robert Anderson of the University of Bradford said. ‘We already teach a lot of what the NVQ will offer. We have a course on video production, so that’s your propaganda and beheading videos taken care of.’

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Posted: Jan 31st, 2015
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Goths getting in the way of fight against terrorism

Home Secretary Theresa May has published a new report that blames Goths for hampering the war against terror. ‘It would all have been over years ago if it wasn’t for the stupid bloody Goths posting all their self-harm and suicidal fantasies online,’ she said.

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2015
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