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Posts Tagged ‘terrorism’

Goths getting in the way of fight against terrorism

Home Secretary Theresa May has published a new report that blames Goths for hampering the war against terror. ‘It would all have been over years ago if it wasn’t for the stupid bloody Goths posting all their self-harm and suicidal fantasies online,’ she said.

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2015
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Boko Haram criticises ‘excessive’ GCSE coursework

just the first step...Boko Haram, the Islamist movement opposed to Western education, has joined forces with Mumsnet to criticise GCSE coursework requirements. Abubakar Shekau, leader of Boko Haram, took part in an online debate yesterday where he slated Department of Education guidelines and called for a boycott of GCSE coursework in non-core subjects, as well as the establishment of a global caliphate and the wholesale slaughter of infidels.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2015
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Terror group to improve media image with piano playing kitten

hopes high it will be a YouTube hit‘Our latest recruit, ‘Jihadi Kitten’, may not be the best pianist, but she has a strong desire for martyrdom.’

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2015
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Islamic State tweets ‘haters gonna hate’

Hacking into the US military’s Centcom account, hackers working for IS have sent a clear message to the world that ‘Harry Styles is lush’. Using social media, the terrorist organisation has spelt out their commitment to a Middle Eastern caliphate, a continued reign of violence and ‘the spamming of lol catz’.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
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French immigrants ‘fraudulently using alias Charlie’

‘Thank the Lord our security services are monitoring Twitter and found so many of these bastards claiming ‘Je Suis Charlie’ when actually they were called Mo, Ahmed, Mohammed, and even Dave,” said Jacques Le Pen of Liberte, Egalite, Frenchy Only.

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2015
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