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Posts Tagged ‘terrorism’

Captors release Libyan PM after William Hague tells them to

‘Terrorists all over the world are deeply afraid of William Hague; one stern retribution and the game is up.

‘We heard his voice on the radio,’ admitted Mr ben-Scari, ‘demanding the release of Ziedan, and we couldn’t chuck his excellency out of the front door fast enough.

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2013
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Guardian journalist held for ‘wearing wrong colour shirt’

journalist 'unaware' his fashion had expiredA journalist been held at Heathrow by the Guardian Style Editor for wearing a shirt ‘in a colour associated with last season’s menswear’. He was questioned for eight hours, the maximum possible under the Guardian’s style guide which governs how staff dress, as well as what they write. The journalist is thought to have dramatic unseen information related to the US National Security Agency and its relations with GCHQ. Delays to its publication could be serious, according to a foreign news correspondent from the paper. The accused shirt may have to be destroyed. It’s understood to be from Next.

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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Party poppers to be banned at Abu Qatada’s leaving party

No street parties!The Home Office has announced that party poppers and balloons will be banned at Abu Qatada’s forthcoming leaving party at Belmarsh Prison on Saturday night.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2013
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Terrorists to be allowed to blow up ugly buildings

government urging them to 'just get on with it'The Government today launched its innovative Integrated Terrorism and Urban Renewal Scheme with the successful destruction of a condemned concrete multi-storey car park in Wolverhampton by an alleged jihadist sympathiser.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2013
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Lawyers, judges in secret courts to wear ‘sinister’ wigs

Images of a new range of ‘surreal’ judicial wigs, whose purpose is to ‘terrify and intimidate’ suspects appearing before secret courts, has been leaked to the press.

The Home Office would neither confirm nor deny the wigs’ existence, but sources inside the Ministry of Justice said the wigs were aimed at creating a ‘sinister, nightmarish and deeply unfashionable’ atmosphere inside the hush-hush courts.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2013
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