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Posts Tagged ‘terrorism’

Intelligence service fears that Round Robin writers may develop Twitter capacity

Christmas Round Robin writers may have learned mass demoralisation techniques that can be deployed any time of the year, security chiefs have warned.

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Posted: Dec 29th, 2013
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Amazon to weaponize Christmas shopping

can drop it on your lawn if you're outFans of online shopping will soon see unmanned drones dropping a range of seasonal products upon their heads; with Syria already registering an interest in the express of delivery of 800 tonnes of ‘fake snow’. Chief Executive Jeff Bezos has promised, within five years, we can expect to see ‘Octocopters’ depositing 2.3kg packages on unsuspecting schools, wedding parties and terrorists in search of cut price DVDs.

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2013
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Al-Qaeda postpones terror campaign until end of Strictly and X-Factor

bombing Dusseldorf to wait until Anne's danced the rumbaAl-Qaeda is struggling to secure sufficient numbers of bombers during the current series of Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
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Captors release Libyan PM after William Hague tells them to

‘Terrorists all over the world are deeply afraid of William Hague; one stern retribution and the game is up.

‘We heard his voice on the radio,’ admitted Mr ben-Scari, ‘demanding the release of Ziedan, and we couldn’t chuck his excellency out of the front door fast enough.

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2013
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Guardian journalist held for ‘wearing wrong colour shirt’

journalist 'unaware' his fashion had expiredA journalist been held at Heathrow by the Guardian Style Editor for wearing a shirt ‘in a colour associated with last season’s menswear’. He was questioned for eight hours, the maximum possible under the Guardian’s style guide which governs how staff dress, as well as what they write. The journalist is thought to have dramatic unseen information related to the US National Security Agency and its relations with GCHQ. Delays to its publication could be serious, according to a foreign news correspondent from the paper. The accused shirt may have to be destroyed. It’s understood to be from Next.

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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