Tesco announces ‘Gladiator’ sale – up to 60% off for survivors
Tesco has announced plans for customers to fight to the death in special arenas in exchange for significant discounts.
Posted: Nov 28th, 2014
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Small shops ‘ruining high street’, say shoppers
‘Grocery stores, card shops and florists are ruining our town centres,’ said one shopper, dismayed that she had to ‘fight tooth and nail for a parking space, had to wait ages to be served, couldn’t get any loyalty points when I did and had no chance of finding a decent charity shop to offload my junk in,’ following the closure of the local out-of-town supermarkets.
Posted: Nov 19th, 2014
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Government urges shops to replace other shops in job creation bonanza
Employment Minister Esther McVey has called for Tesco to replace every Sainsburys store, Sainsburys to replace every Asda store and Asda to replace every Tesco store. ‘Whenever a massive shop opens, it creates hundreds of jobs’, she told reporters. ‘ I don’t really understand the maths – all these shops are doing is making it easier to buy stuff which was made in China. Nevertheless, apparently a new superstore equals job creation.
Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
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Tesco bag spotted in Isle of Wight airspace
‘I was just sitting back, holding me spuds, when I saw this bird-like thing hovering about 20 yards above the sheds.’
Posted: Sep 14th, 2014
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Asda introduces ‘slapping-friendly areas’ for shoppers with small children
Asda is to create ‘slapping areas’ where frustrated parents can hit their children without causing offence to other shoppers.
Posted: Aug 14th, 2014
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