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Posts Tagged ‘Tesco’

Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’ after news emerged that forty fully-stocked supermarkets have been left unopened for months.

‘We’ve been continuing to expand our operations across the United Kingdom,’ said Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke. ‘But since this Diamond Jubilee nonsense started, we’ve been left with 17 stores ready to go but unopened because the Royals are all booked up reading the weather or dancing with Usain Bolt in Jamaica or sailing down the bloody Thames.’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
More from UK News


Tesco outsources checkout operators to India

'all help little'In a bid to halt a decline in profits, Tesco has announced plans to outsource their checkout operators to India. Despite customers now being able to avoid direct eye-contact with till staff, only viewing them remotely via an uninteractive ‘tcsh’ screen, the company is confident most will barely notice the difference.

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Posted: May 26th, 2012
More from Business


Man wakes to find new Tesco in right ear

buy two ears, get nose free! ‘Obviously popping down the shops is a lot easier than it used to be’

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2012
More from Business


Economic outlook worsens as pop star Kelis suffers milkshake slump

More stock market gloom today, as pop star Kelis revealed that her milkshake now only brings 37% of boys to the yard – a calamitous fall blamed on harsh market conditions and not on the fact that her milkshake is now nine years older than it was when she originally exposed it.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2012
More from News In Brief


Riots break out in Trumpton over fire station closure

Mrs Honeyman went on and on and on and on about the injustice of it all.Violence erupted in the sleepy backwater of Trumpton last night following the announcement that the fire station would be closed and services provided by Fireman Sam Plc from CBBC.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2012
More from UK News


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