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Posts Tagged ‘Tesco’

Football widow refuses to wear black armband

A Liverpool football widow has caused outrage by refusing to wear a black armband in her husband’s match day absences.

Despite demands from Liverpool FC manager Brendan Rodgers and senior club officials, Mrs Doris Whittaker 69, has steadfastly refused to comply with requests to show respect for other football widows throughout the UK. Mrs Whittaker was given the armband during a Saturday afternoon shopping trip to Tesco where other football widows sported the armbands with pride.

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Posted: Nov 8th, 2012
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Supermarkets on the offensive as ‘BOGOF’ becomes ‘POOFACE’

Britain’s supermarkets, recognising that referring to ‘Buy One Get One Free’ as ‘BOGOF’ has seen the term enter into everyday parlance, are reportedly ‘going on the offensive’ to find new, catchy ways of insulting their customers.

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Posted: Oct 7th, 2012
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Supermarkets buying whole towns: Tesco bag ‘Sale’

A town in the North-West has today become the first to be bought outright by a supermarket chain. Tesco bought ‘Sale’ for an estimated £10 Million, in a bid to secure the word for their sole use.

The ancient ‘on-the-market’ town has been available to buy since 1978. Signs erected at every entrance to the town were clearly marked ‘Sale’, but up to now there has been very little interest. Tesco CEO Phillip Clarke snapped up the ‘Value’ town as soon as he saw it, and sees it as a great opportunity.

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Posted: Oct 5th, 2012
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Economic outlook worsens as pop star Kelis suffers milkshake slump

More stock market gloom today, as pop star Kelis revealed that her milkshake now only brings 37% of boys to the yard – a calamitous fall blamed on harsh market conditions and not on the fact that her milkshake is now nine years older than it was when she originally exposed it.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2012
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Tories defend decision to offer work experience to LibDems

Employment Minister Chris Grayling has today defended the Government’s controversial scheme to offer work experience to Liberal Democrat MPs such as Nick Clegg.

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Posted: Feb 29th, 2012
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