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Posts Tagged ‘TfL’

Transport for London tackle commuter delays with designated suicide station

departing, Platform 3‘It’s really not fair that a few thoughtless ‘jumpers’ cause such disruption for so many,’ said a TfL spokesman. ‘From now on we’ll be asking the suicidal to travel to Amersham and wait in line for their turn. They’ll know it’s their moment in the headlights when they hear our special announcement – ‘Don’t mind the gap’.’

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Posted: Aug 2nd, 2011
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Army budget cuts mean ‘cycle lanes to be deployed instead of armour’

Faced with budget cuts and the prospect of a resurgent Taliban with revenge attacks from Al-Qaeda, the British Army in Afghanistan has proposed an innovative and cheap way of protecting its soldiers – the immediate painting of green or blue cycle lanes across all strategic flashpoints in Helmand and Kandahar provinces.

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Posted: May 17th, 2011
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Capital braces itself for 48-hour Tramp strike

Last minute conciliation talks between Transport for London and The Tramps, Vagrants and Beggars Union broke down today, when the leader of the TVBU, Big Rabbie McLintock, kicked London Mayor, Boris Johnson, in the shins and shouted, ‘Feck off youse mop headed bassard – I’ll fekkin ave ya!’

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Posted: Sep 21st, 2009
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Chaos as London Underground hit by buskers’ strike

Millions of commuters face travel misery after 10 hours of talks aiming to avert a 48-hour strike by buskers on London Underground collapsed.

Transport for London (TfL) described the refusal by guitarists at Camden Town station to play Stairway to Heaven as ‘outrageous’ and ‘a slap in the face for all hard-working Londoners’.

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Posted: Jun 10th, 2009
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Tube delays caused by ‘driver afraid of the dark’

A London Underground train driver has lost his appeal for unfair dismissal at an Industrial Tribunal yesterday after ‘being afraid of the dark’ was ruled as inadequate grounds for taking time off work.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2008
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