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Posts Tagged ‘Thanksgiving’

Turkeys consider ending ties with Christmas

The leader of the Turkeys Union for Christmas (TUC), Cluck McCluskey, has said his union is considering ending its ties with Christmas. The Grand Old Bird Brain Leader, or ‘Gobbler’ as the leader of the TUC is known, had previously hinted that he would encourage his members to down feathers

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Posted: May 22nd, 2015
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Sinners brawl in churches over Black Sunday discount deals on penance

There were chaotic scenes in Catholic churches across the UK yesterday as repentant sinners sought to take advantage of Black Sunday deals on absolution. As many churches opened their doors at midnight scuffles broke out when crowds fought their way towards confessionals to secure deals which saw penance slashed to bargain levels for one day only.

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Posted: Dec 1st, 2014
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Black Friday ‘was dry run for Zombie Apocalypse’

Consumers across the world were given the opportunity to hone their survival skills, as branches of Wal-Mart simulated the collapse of civilisation. Mindless, reanimated corpses hungry for discounted TVs swarmed over unsuspecting shop assistants, chanting: ‘Braaaaains…braaaaains….br- oh three for two offer, bargain!’

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Posted: Dec 2nd, 2013
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