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Posts Tagged ‘the conservative party’

Persistent cold callers and chuggers face new ‘badgerer cull’

Cute, furry creatures 'don't stand a chance'Following last year’s unsuccessful culling campaign, the Government has today announced plans for a second attempt at reducing the ‘badgerer’ population

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2015
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All childhood aspirations to be erased

‘Unachievable’ career ambitions of youngsters are to be treated with memory-loss drugs to improve the alignment of hopes with reality, a Government spokesman has confirmed.

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Posted: Aug 24th, 2015
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Cameron returns from Euro break with a dose of the clap

'this is why Europe needs reform, and more sanitary lamposts'A sheepish Prime Minister has returned to Downing Street from his EU ‘whistle-stop’ tour with what can only be described as a bad case of sunstroke and a ‘mysterious rash’.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2015
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David Cameron’s hair pledges to leave UK if Labour wins

frankly, I'm worth itWith less than a week to polling day, David Cameron’s hair has weighed into the general election campaign by threatening to pull up its roots and emigrate if the Labour party wins on 7 May. ‘Under this Conservative-led government, what we have seen from David Cameron’s hair is recovery from recession and a return to growth,’ said George Osborne today. ‘It’s been a miraculous turnaround. Figures show our prime minister now has the fastest-growing head of hair in Europe.’

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Posted: May 1st, 2015
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Tories threaten to finish what they started‏

The meek? Jesus was a silly Socialist...Buoyed by an endorsement from representatives of 5,000 small businesses, the Conservative Party has pledged to put a ‘food bank on every street corner’. Not content with four years of misery, David Cameron hopes to continue with his vision of low interest rates, low inflation and low self-esteem for any graduate looking for a job.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2015
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