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Posts Tagged ‘the conservative party’

Cameron returns from Euro break with a dose of the clap

'this is why Europe needs reform, and more sanitary lamposts'A sheepish Prime Minister has returned to Downing Street from his EU ‘whistle-stop’ tour with what can only be described as a bad case of sunstroke and a ‘mysterious rash’.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2015
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David Cameron’s hair pledges to leave UK if Labour wins

frankly, I'm worth itWith less than a week to polling day, David Cameron’s hair has weighed into the general election campaign by threatening to pull up its roots and emigrate if the Labour party wins on 7 May. ‘Under this Conservative-led government, what we have seen from David Cameron’s hair is recovery from recession and a return to growth,’ said George Osborne today. ‘It’s been a miraculous turnaround. Figures show our prime minister now has the fastest-growing head of hair in Europe.’

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Posted: May 1st, 2015
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Tories threaten to finish what they started‏

The meek? Jesus was a silly Socialist...Buoyed by an endorsement from representatives of 5,000 small businesses, the Conservative Party has pledged to put a ‘food bank on every street corner’. Not content with four years of misery, David Cameron hopes to continue with his vision of low interest rates, low inflation and low self-esteem for any graduate looking for a job.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2015
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‘Tory Bastard’ gene isolated

A gene that predisposes someone to become a Tory Bastard has been isolated by researchers at the Genome Institute.

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Posted: Mar 29th, 2015
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TV debates to be settled by ‘head punching contests’ say Broadcasters

all in the name of entertainment for the massesTV broadcasters have decided to ditch the debating format trialed in the 2010 election in which leaders debated policy and outlined pledges and will replace it instead with a series of ‘head punching contests’, confirmed Sue Inglish, Head of Political Programming at the BBC.

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Posted: Mar 27th, 2015
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