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Posts Tagged ‘The EU’

Cameron returns from Euro break with a dose of the clap

'this is why Europe needs reform, and more sanitary lamposts'A sheepish Prime Minister has returned to Downing Street from his EU ‘whistle-stop’ tour with what can only be described as a bad case of sunstroke and a ‘mysterious rash’.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2015
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Russia to have Ukraine at bank holidays and weekends

The EU is to have custody over Ukraine, following a settlement at the Munich Security Conference. Russia will have her at bank holidays and weekends, and can pick her up after school if Europe is working late.

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2015
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‘Frequently Asked Questions’ to be standardised

The EU has today ruled that Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) are now to follow a standard format. ‘Our research shows that, actually, there’s no evidence that any so-called FAQ has ever been asked and most questions that are asked don’t seem to be included,’ said David O’Donnell, an FAQ expert advising the EU.

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Posted: Dec 22nd, 2014
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Salmond proposes ‘Mars Bar currency’

Amid the furore about keeping the pound as its currency and the confirmation that it could take ‘over five years’ to join the EU, Alex Salmond has revealed that the Mars Bar would be an interim currency.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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Nick Clegg to resort to ‘mum jokes’ in all future live debates

"I agree with Nick"Crestfallen Nick Clegg has been advised by his publicists to adopt a more ‘ruthless approach’ in all future live debates, by resorting to ‘mum jokes’ when backed into a corner by his opponent.

Clegg’s recent debate with UKIP’s Nigel Farage on Britain and the EU, televised live on BBC Two, resulted in UKIP storming home with a massive 68% of votes in a snap YouGov survey, leaving the Lib Dems with no other choice than to court the ‘mum joke’ vote.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2014
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