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Posts Tagged ‘The Queen’

Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM

Won't be called Alex, that's for sureDavid Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns out to be. ‘I won’t tell you whether it’s a girl or a boy, and you won’t be able to watch BBC News 24 to find out either,’ the prime minister said at a Better Together hustings in Dumfries. ‘And don’t expect the Queen to tell you either, if you vote yes she’ll be bloody furious.’

The Royal baby news has caused an otherwise leaden referendum campaign to explode into life. Scottish Labour MP Jim Murphy has returned to his tedious tour of Scotland’s high streets, temporarily abandoned last week after an egg-throwing voter accused him of ‘not talking about the Royal family enough’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
More from Politics



Queen demands pay rise as Rebekah Brooks trial ‘cost more than the Royal Family’

Following the revelation that the Rebekah Brooks trial cost £100m, compared with the £36m cost of the entire Royal Family, Her Majesty has today said that, ‘on the grounds of parity, we have submitted a demand for a pay rise, and we have decided to take industrial action forthwith in support of our claim’.

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2014
More from News In Brief



1D-Day celebrations commemorate the death of music

if it wasn't for our brave boys, they'd be called 'Eine Richtung'Veterans, historians and girls with retainers are united today in marking 1D-Day a day of remembrance for ‘our boys’ struggle to overcome lacklustre hair, no musical ability and the Nazi occupation of France. Former groupies, internet trolls and serving members of the armed forces all paid their respect for the loss of melodies, the death of legible tattoos and remembered just how many ears had paid the ultimate sacrifice.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



London woman told to take it even easier

An 88-year-old London woman who has been taking it easy for 88-years has been told by her doctors to take it even easier. The woman, who owns several properties where she often takes it easy, has also taken it easy in many Commonwealth countries.

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Posted: May 12th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Vatican Guards find Pope rolling in the aisles

His Holiness Pope Francis was discovered in the early hours of this morning, rolling in the aisles of St Peter’s basilica. The alarm was raised after a nun, on a moonlit vigil, mistakenly heard what she thought to be a drunken vagrant, singing and laughing inside the locked church.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
More from News In Brief