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Posts Tagged ‘The Queen’

Vatican Guards find Pope rolling in the aisles

His Holiness Pope Francis was discovered in the early hours of this morning, rolling in the aisles of St Peter’s basilica. The alarm was raised after a nun, on a moonlit vigil, mistakenly heard what she thought to be a drunken vagrant, singing and laughing inside the locked church.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
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Royal Family finally granted Jennie Bond restraining order

'The name's Bond. Can I have a look in your bin...?'The Royal Family have said they can ‘finally rest easy’ today, after a judge officially granted them a Restraining Order against Royal-super fan and now confirmed stalker, Jennie Bond. The legal injunction, which prevents the 63-year-old from being within three-miles of any Royal residence, has been enforced ‘with immediate effect’, and will ensure that Bond will no longer be able to attend any Royal occasions under the guise of a BBC correspondent.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2013
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Chinese refurbishment of Prince Philip ‘poses no security risk’

'don't make fuss', the Duke is reported to have saidThe contract to refurbish Prince Philip has been awarded to Chinese telecommunications giant Huawei, it was confirmed yesterday, despite ongoing security concerns about the company’s links to the Chinese government.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2013
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Royal Family to be fracked for shale gas

Exploratory abdominal surgery on the Duke of Edinburgh has exposed gas reserves much ‘bigger than first thought’. The operation, under general anaesthetic, has revealed upwards of 170 trillion cubic feet of natural gas and will pave the way for the licensing to exploit further Royals.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2013
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Woman with 600 bedrooms to escape bedroom tax

The woman (86), known only as ‘Q’, lives with her nonagenarian husband and some servants in SW1 and is believed to have other social housing properties.

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Posted: Feb 18th, 2013
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