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Posts Tagged ‘The Queen’

The Queen rules out second term

Queen Elizabeth II has come out and categorically ruled out a second term at the head of the Monarchy. Having held the post of Head of State and Queen of 16 countries for the last 62 years, she is edging closer to the day her reign ends and she is now saying that when she [...]

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2015
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Royal re-burials set to replace Bank Holidays

In a move aimed at filling the gaps between naturally occurring Royal births and deaths, the government is planning to replace existing Bank Holidays with a programme of Royal re-burials.

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Posted: Mar 27th, 2015
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Royal Family finally granted Jennie Bond restraining order

'The name's Bond. Can I have a look in your bin...?'‘We’ve had several run-ins with Jennie over the years for approaching members of the family with a Fisher Price microphone that wasn’t actually connected to anything’.

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Posted: Nov 3rd, 2014
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Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM

Won't be called Alex, that's for sureDavid Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns out to be. ‘I won’t tell you whether it’s a girl or a boy, and you won’t be able to watch BBC News 24 to find out either,’ the prime minister said at a Better Together hustings in Dumfries. ‘And don’t expect the Queen to tell you either, if you vote yes she’ll be bloody furious.’

The Royal baby news has caused an otherwise leaden referendum campaign to explode into life. Scottish Labour MP Jim Murphy has returned to his tedious tour of Scotland’s high streets, temporarily abandoned last week after an egg-throwing voter accused him of ‘not talking about the Royal family enough’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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Queen demands pay rise as Rebekah Brooks trial ‘cost more than the Royal Family’

Following the revelation that the Rebekah Brooks trial cost £100m, compared with the £36m cost of the entire Royal Family, Her Majesty has today said that, ‘on the grounds of parity, we have submitted a demand for a pay rise, and we have decided to take industrial action forthwith in support of our claim’.

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2014
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