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Posts Tagged ‘therapy’

Gregg Wallace fixed grin device cures depression, provokes violence

‘Why the long face?’ is a question that may soon be relegated to the past thanks to the release of the incredible Gregg Wallace fixed-grin device. Fitting neatly and invisibly into the corners of the mouth ‘The Wallace’ claims to turn all frowns upside down in a nano-second. Anger management specialists and medical practitioners are hailing the device as an amazing alternative to anti-depressants and expensive courses of therapy.

‘Valium, librium and mogadon once seemed to provide the perfect answer to stress,’ said Dr Hilda Radcliffe from her Harley Street clinic, ‘but The Wallace comes without any of the typical side-affects, such as altering the chemistry of the brain and turning people into vegetables. However, it is not without its problems and patients do need to take care where and when they wear it.’

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Posted: Nov 14th, 2015
More from Arts/Entertainment

B&Q to close 60 ‘argument zones’

after screaming at each other in the tile section, why not look at the plantsKingfisher, parent company of B&Q and the ironically titled ‘Screwfix’, has announced it plans to phase out some of its least ‘maritally fractious’ stores.

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Posted: Mar 31st, 2015
More from Business

Emotional baggage handlers ‘very nervous’ about strike ballot

fears for tears‘Taking people’s emotional baggage on board is nerve-rackingly unpredictable,’ says handler Vic Smythe. ‘That’s why this strike is justified. Although a lot of us are terrified of the outcome. Terrified I tell you!’

Mr Smythe has been in the job five years. He explains: ‘This is a job that requires you to be genuinely sensitive to people, not like nursing, social work or being minister for disabled people. A new Samsonite his ‘n hers means a honeymoon, and your heart just melts.’

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Posted: Oct 17th, 2014
More from UK News

Economy recovering confidence after counselling, support from friends

‘When I look back on it, my problems had been building up for years, but I just hadn’t been facing up to them,’ admitted the Economy.

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2014
More from From The Archives

Waitrose shopper ‘strolled into Aldi nightmare’

Loyal Waitrose shopper Margie Bento-Davis is still receiving counselling six weeks after she absentmindedly strolled into a branch of Aldi. Her therapist has warned her that she may never overcome the shame of being seen in Aldi and almost buying something there.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2014
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