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Posts Tagged ‘Theresa May’

Cameron promises not to serve a third term. Voters helpfully rule out a second

his goose is cookedIn an attempt to manage public expectation, the Prime Minister has said he will not be swayed into staying in office, regardless of any mass displays of affection. Meanwhile, nonplussed voters assured Mr. Cameron that no such displays had been planned; unless he meant the voodoo doll, abusive graffiti or the barrels of gunpowder stored under the House of Commons.

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2015
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Tories blow £1m on FarmVille

It has been revealed that the Conservative Party is paying £100,000 a month to Facebook in order to subsidise David Cameron’s addiction with growing virtual crops.

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2015
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Goths getting in the way of fight against terrorism

Home Secretary Theresa May has published a new report that blames Goths for hampering the war against terror. ‘It would all have been over years ago if it wasn’t for the stupid bloody Goths posting all their self-harm and suicidal fantasies online,’ she said.

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2015
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Caligula enquiry approaches conclusion

Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the Suetonius Report into alleged historical sexual abuse in AD 37 – 41 is nearing its conclusion, and that publication is ‘imminent’.

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Posted: Dec 24th, 2014
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Theresa May announces delay to the ’1980s Paedophile cover-up’

Theresa May announced today that the cover-up into 1980s child abuse will be delayed due to the amount of evidence that needs to be destroyed before the inquiry can begin.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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