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Posts Tagged ‘Theresa May’

Goths getting in the way of fight against terrorism

Home Secretary Theresa May has published a new report that blames Goths for hampering the war against terror. ‘It would all have been over years ago if it wasn’t for the stupid bloody Goths posting all their self-harm and suicidal fantasies online,’ she said.

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2015
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Caligula enquiry approaches conclusion

Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the Suetonius Report into alleged historical sexual abuse in AD 37 – 41 is nearing its conclusion, and that publication is ‘imminent’.

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Posted: Dec 24th, 2014
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Theresa May announces delay to the ’1980s Paedophile cover-up’

Theresa May announced today that the cover-up into 1980s child abuse will be delayed due to the amount of evidence that needs to be destroyed before the inquiry can begin.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Home Office asks for advice on how to fix an inquiry

something slightly skewy found on Marsham StreetWith regret Home Secretary Theresa May has conceded that she has run out of ‘dodgy’ candidates to appoint to chair the Inquiry into Historic Child Abuse. Having lost Baroness Butler-Sloss and now Lord Mayor Fiona Woolf to conflicts of interest, Mrs May has been forced to ask betting syndicates, investment bankers and FIFA on how best ‘to rig’ an inquiry. Fortunately having managed to delay the proceedings for a further three months, it is hoped that those accused will have had ‘…plenty of time to shred any incriminating documents’.

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Posted: Nov 1st, 2014
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Spain snaps-up disused ‘Go Home Vans’ to rid Costa Del Sol of ‘annoying English’

Nobody expected the Spanish exposition ‘They’re just really rubbish tourists; they can’t even tan properly.’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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