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Posts Tagged ‘Theresa May’

Home Office asks for advice on how to fix an inquiry

something slightly skewy found on Marsham StreetWith regret Home Secretary Theresa May has conceded that she has run out of ‘dodgy’ candidates to appoint to chair the Inquiry into Historic Child Abuse. Having lost Baroness Butler-Sloss and now Lord Mayor Fiona Woolf to conflicts of interest, Mrs May has been forced to ask betting syndicates, investment bankers and FIFA on how best ‘to rig’ an inquiry. Fortunately having managed to delay the proceedings for a further three months, it is hoped that those accused will have had ‘…plenty of time to shred any incriminating documents’.

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Posted: Nov 1st, 2014
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Spain snaps-up disused ‘Go Home Vans’ to rid Costa Del Sol of ‘annoying English’

Nobody expected the Spanish exposition ‘They’re just really rubbish tourists; they can’t even tan properly.’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Terrorists to be allowed to blow up ugly buildings

government urging them to 'just get on with it'The new scheme has been described as a ‘win, win scenario’ by Home Secretary, Theresa May.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2014
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George Osborne owes the Littlewoods’ catalogue £25bn

The Chancellor today admitted to what is now looking like ‘an horrendous Christmas overspend’. Threatening to cut the welfare budget after the next election, Mr. Osborne confessed that he may have been profligate with the Babycham for Theresa May, discount hotel vouchers for William Hague and the Blackadder boxset for Michael Gove.

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Posted: Jan 7th, 2014
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Party poppers to be banned at Abu Qatada’s leaving party

No street parties!The Home Office has announced that party poppers and balloons will be banned at Abu Qatada’s forthcoming leaving party at Belmarsh Prison on Saturday night.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2013
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