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Posts Tagged ‘Theresa May’

Home Secretary admits illegal chips may infiltrate Olympics

‘It’s a nightmare scenario really,’ said Theresa May. ‘We’re potentially looking at multiple chip-related security breaches. We’ve already intercepted one man of Middle-Eastern appearance trying to smuggle in a one-kilo bag of McCain Low Fat Oven Fries, so who knows what else is out there.’

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Posted: Jul 13th, 2012
More from Sport



Prisoners to be released through new HMP Gift Shops

shoplifting actually encouragedIn a new effort to rebalance the public finances, Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that prisoners reaching the end of their sentence in UK jails will no longer be released straight onto the streets, but will instead leave prison through a new HM Prisons Gift Shop.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2012
More from Politics



UK Border Agency asks illegal immigrants ‘not to wear sports kit’ during Olympics

"they come over here, steal our tracksuits..."The UK Border Agency (UKBA) has given assurances that it is ‘completely ready’ to deal with the influx of foreigners during the Olympics, as long as illegal immigrants agree not to wear sports kit over the summer.

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Posted: May 3rd, 2012
More from Sport, UK News



May to deport Timmy Mallett instead ‘as a kind of consolation’

‘Ok, he’s not suspected of anything, apart from being a bit annoying, but I’m sure he hasn’t got lawyers as good as Qatada’s, so hopefully it’ll all go through a bit more smoothly.’

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2012
More from News In Brief



Theresa May ‘even tried Cillit Bang’ to remove Abu Qatada

After an appeal to the courts delayed extradition proceedings, Home Secretary Theresa May has defended the government’s attempts to remove stubborn extremist Abu Qatada using kitchen power-cleaner Cillit Bang.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2012
More from News In Brief